Invader Zim: Dudes In Tights
by Wormtail96
Summary: Hopefully my last fanmake - Men In Tights. Invader Zim and his band of Merry Men team up to liberate Latveria from Princess Sari and Sheriff Dib, as well as get Zim his girl, Lady Tak. Time for outrageous humour and serious breaking of the fourth wall.
1. Prologue

**(A/N) I have decided I will do what will most likely be my ONE LAST fanmake, one I have always wanted to do and at last, hang up my fanmake...writing, uh, pen up surely for good. I'm gonna do a "Men In Tights", because it will be a hilarious fanmake to end it all with if this is to be my last fanmake. Afterwards, I'm just gonna do small projects, then most likely retire from writing fanfiction, because, come on, I've been writing for about what, four or five years! I'll stick around, though. So here is my Men In Tights cast...probably the last cast I will compile. And GOD, am I gonna go out of my way to piss the fanboys off!**

* * *

**Prologue**

**Wormtail96 Presents**

**A Wormtail96 Production…duh.**

Our story takes place in Latveria, a poxy Eastern European country run by a despotic absolute monarchy, complete with a secret police and forced labour camps. This is the story about one of Latveria's greatest egotistical heroes…the one known as Zim.

As the story begins, figures on a hill nearby stand in front of nuclear missiles fixed to the ground. They press the buttons on remotes and the nuclear missiles launch into the air.

One of the missiles launched high into the air, where it explodes into a mushroom cloud, forming the following title,

**Invader Zim: Dudes In Tights**

When the words disappeared gone, the figures from before began to launch more nuclear missiles into the air, some of them exploding to reveal each new credit. We get the cast, the director, the producer, the executive producer, the caterers, the whole shebang.

**Based on the original version by the dude himself…Mel Brooks!**

Another set of miniature nuclear missiles were fired. However, one of them headed towards a house in a Latverian village. It hit the roof and sent the whole thing up in a small mushroom cloud. The woman who owned the house ran towards after coming back from the market in a panic.

"Help, me house has been nuked! Me house has been nuked!" screamed the woman.

Soon, more houses in the village suffered the same fate as the villagers fled them, screaming like crazy, although most of them ended up being obliterated.

"Get the brigade, the police, or…or somebody!" cried another woman. "Who do you call for nuclear bombs, anyway?"

As more people were forced to evacuate their homes, men in hazmat suits ran up in groups to try in vain to evacuate the people safely. Unfortunately, most of them ended up being trampled on.

"Alright, get everyone out of here, men!" yelled the leader of the hazmat men to his subordinates a megaphone. "But if they've mutated beaks, tentacles or more than three eyes, leave 'em!"

As the madness continued, the surviving villagers groaned tiredly. This was not the first time their village had suffered under these circumstances.

"There must a better way to do these opening credits!" remarked an angry villager.

"Tell me about it!" said the leader of the hazmat men indignantly. "I mean, every time some douche bag with no social life decides to make another Robin Hood story, our village gets screwed! I mean before it was flaming arrows, but now its nukes!"

Soon one more nuke strikes the one last untouched house. In the mushroom cloud appeared the final words…

_**Produced and Directed by Wormtail96...**_

"Leave us alone, Wormtail96!" yelled the angry villagers all together.

"Yeah!" agreed a male villager grudgingly. "Oh, and "great" internet name! Everyone's seen and read Harry Potter, pal!"

They then all head a whistling sound and the villagers looked up to see the mother of all nuclear bombs dropping down right towards them!

"Oh, for the love of Chri-"

**Ka-boom!**

The story continued as a few people in green tights began to rap as if they were in some sort of music video. They were led by a small, hunched boy of African descent who had big curly hair. The boy's name was Wybourne 'Wybie' Lovat and he started things off as he began to rap.

**"Yo! Yo! Yo!"**

**They all sang, "Check it out!"**

Wybie took it over from there,

**"Princess Sari and Sheriff Dib**

**They was running the show**

**Raising the taxes**

**'Cause they needed the dough **

**A reign of terror**

**Took over the land**

**They was shaking down the people**

**Just to beat the band**

**I said Hey!"**

**"Hey!" **sang his group

**"I said Hey!"**

**"Hey!"**

**"I said Hey!"**

The band then began to sing just like a choir as Wybie lead them with his fingers.

**"Hey nonny nonny and a ho ho ho!"**

Wybie and his crew began to dance as if they were in a ballet. I think you could already guess the sexuality of most of these…should I even call them guys? They then continued to rap as they were lead by Wybie.

**"The people were unhappy**

**Morale was low**

**They had no place to turn to**

**There was nowhere to go **

**They needed a hero**

**But no one could be found**

**'Cause Invader Zim was out of town**

**I said Hey!"**

**"Hey!" **the group sang.

**"I said Hey!"**

**"Hey!"**

**"I said Hey!"**

They all sang together once more, _**"Hey nonny nonny and a ho ho ho!" **_Wybie took the lead once again.

_**"He was put into the slammer**_

_**By his American foe**_

_**And in a little while**_

_**He would be no more **_

_**I said Hey!"**_

_**"Hey!"**_

_**"I said Hey!**_

_**"Hey!"**_

_**"I said Hey!"**_

The group broke out into one last dance to end the song, _**"Hey nonny nonny, hey nonny nonny,**_

_**"Hey nonny nonny and a ho ho ho!"**_

Wybie did a move like a break dancer, spun around and laughed madly before he posed with the band.

_**"Check it out!"**_


	2. Chapter I

**(A/N) Here's chapter one of the story. Also, if you're offended by jabs at America, remember that this story is written from the Latverian view, which naturally is anti-American, so that is the reason for it. Nothing much else to say but enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter I**

**Escape from the POW camp**

Our story takes place during difficult times in the year 2010. Latveria and the United States of America have been at war for the last nine years. What caused this war? Let's just say it had something to do with Latveria's vast nuclear arsenal. Cities and towns, American and Latverian alike have been bombed and ravaged to oblivion; hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians, women and children included have been brutally killed and blah, blah, blah, who honestly cares? Let's get on with the story…

* * *

On the coasts of Florida, USA, there stood an American Prisoner-of-War camp, where Latverian soldiers and officers and other "trouble makers" were locked up by the American military. At present time, a recently obtain prisoner had just been brought to the camp via an army truck. He was forced out and 'escorted' into the camp by one of the American soldiers and his captors closed the gates on their way in.

The prisoner was a short male Irken. He had green skin; a flat head; two black antennas and a pair of huge pink eyes. He wore a triangular purple sweater; a robotic purple and silver back-pack; long thin black gloves and long thin black boots. He was Invader Zim of Scumlington, a feared General in the Latverian army; a famous war hero and the hero of this story...or the vomited remains of this story. The captured General was bound in heavy chains to ensure that he did not escape.

As the guards 'escorted' Zim through the camp past the tents, they came across a grate where prisoners in the pit below were reaching out with their hands desperately.

"Help us! Get us out of here! We're hungry! The buckets full and I've crapped our pants seven times already!" cried out the prisoners below sorrowfully.

The guard grumbled then he took out his switch and pressed it, causing acid to shower down from an overhead shower, forcing them to recoil below, screaming in agony. The guard, satisfied with this, continued 'escorting' Zim away. When they passed, the mutilated hands return remarking 'Nah!' as they flipped him off.

* * *

The guard took Zim to an underground section of the camp which was actually located just outside the fences of the camp and was used as a sort of dungeon. An officer was there at the entrance checking a records book from a pedestal. He was a tall shirtless green demon with long black hair and who wore a leather helmet on his head and a pair of tattered shorts. His name was simply Creeper. He looked up and smiled creepily as Zim was brought in.

"Oh. hello there, friend! Welcome to the dungeon!" sneered the Creeper as he walked up to Zim. "My name is Creeper, maitre d'dungeon! Come, allow me to show you to your cell!"

The guard and Zim followed Creeper to a cell where American soldiers opened the door to let them in. The whole room seemed to be filled to the brink with Latverian prisoners-of-war; Americans caught out as spies for Latveria and so on. As Creeper came in, Zim hit his head on the doorframe as he came in, making captured General yelled in pain and curse under his breath.

"Watch your head!" said Creeper too late. He turned and looked embarrassed as he realized he was too late. He snapped his fingers as he said sheepishly, "I always forget to say that in time." He looked at Zim for a second and said, "Oops, almost forget. We cannot seat you without the proper attire. You see?"

He waved around at the groaning and moaning prisoners that were either standing up or sitting down in chains. They were dressed in rags or stereotypical black and white prison attire.

"Okay, get this guy the attire!" said Creeper as he snapped his fingers. Two American soldiers came over to Zim...and they placed a fake grey beard right on his face, making the General confused. Creeper smiled and said, "Okay, now that's much better! I will now leave you in the capable hands of Red, our head guard!"

One of the American guards came over. He was a big, fat, red devil with a big nose, yellow eyes and wore no pants. He was named the Red Guy, the dungeon's head guard. As he came over, he grinned evilly at Zim and full set of white teeth.

"Um, it is best you cooperate with him. He's a serious sadist." advised Creeper nervously. He calmed down and said with a smile, "Well, if there is anything you require, please do not hesitate to scream in agony." Suddenly, someone in dungeon screamed in agony. "Coming! We're so busy."With that, Creeper left leaving Zim with Red Guy, knocking his head on the doorframe in the process.

"Hellooooo, it's me, the Red Guy! Your head guard. Follow me, Latverian swine!" said Red Guy as he forced Zim to follow him down the stairs to a part of the cell where a bench was positioned. Another figure was standing there. He was a small youth with curly red hair, enormous red lips and glasses. He also wore a green and orange striped shirt and black shorts. This was Flem, Red Guy's assistant.

After Zim was forced to sit down on the bench, Red Guy rolled across the floor towards him like a log. He stood up, glanced at the Irken and boomed, "Alright, General "Invader" Zim of Scumlington! Where is your King?"

"King? Which King might that be?" mocked Zim sneeringly as he crossed his arms. "There are quite a lot of kings, so whom are you referring to? King Doom? King Kong? Larry King? Martin Luther King, Junior?"

Red Guy seethed, grinding his teeth and shaking like a leaf. He yelled, VERY loudly, **"YOU IMPERTINENT LATVERIAN DIRTBAG! TALK OR I SHALL USE EXTRACT THE INFORMATION BY ****FORCE!"**

"I don't think so, my Imperialist dog!" stated Zim indignantly, crossing his arms still and pointing his non-existent nose into the air. "You may not see it, but you ideology of democracy and individual rights shall NEVER undermine our beloved tyrant!"

Red Guy looked like he was about to flip his lid, until his expression turned calm and he said to Flem, grinning, "Alright then. Flem…**THE TONGUE LOOSENERS!"**

Three of the prisoners grimaced, having seen this many times before and covered their mouths, eyes, and ears like the 'speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil' monkeys. Flem handed over a ridiculously large pair of iron tongues to Red Guy, saying to him,"Here you go, boss."

"Now, let's hear about that King of yours, shall we?" cackled Red Guy as he held the tongue looseners to Zim's mouth threateningly.

"Nuh-uh!" retorted Zim. That proved to be a mistake as Red Guy grabbed his tongue with the tongue looseners. He began to pull the tongue out as far as he could, making the Irken screamed in pain. Red Guy soon let the tongue go, shooting it back into Zim's mouth, who covered in his mouth in pain.

With a growing impatient scowl on his face, Red Guy leaned over to Flem and whispered something to him. Zim did not hear, of course."What did he say?" said Zim to Flem, his tongue still numb.

Flem cringes as he said, "You don't want to know. Believe me."

Flem took Zim to a second bench behind a metal bar near the dungeon wall. Another prisoner was sitting down there as well. He was an old man of Mexican descent with a large grey beard. He was dressed in black and also wore a large pair of glasses and a sombrero. His name was Grandpapi Rivera, aka the super villain Puma Loco. Grandpapi Rivera looked at Zim in admiration as he was being chained down by Flem.

"You are very brave for not a homeboy. Normally, someone would crack under the tongue looseners." he told the Irken with a sense of honouring him.

"Thank you, Mexican man." Zim said and after Flem finished chaining him down, the latter left Zim alone with Grandpapi.

Grandpapi then informed the captured General, "I've been in this place for a while now. As a fellow hater of America, perhaps I could be of service to you. Have you any questions?"

"I have one question. What are you in for?"

Grandpapi stated with pride and an evil smirk, "I am the Puma Loco, my friend. I am one of the most feared super villains of all time!" He then laughed evilly, complete with thunder and lightning in the background. "Hahahaha!" He stopped laughing and the thunder and lightning vanished instantly and he said, "But as for me being in this POW camp, the FBI caught me spying for your country."

"Good man." The Irken's admiration for the old man bolstered. He ripped off his beard as he tried to think up an escape plan. "Now it will not be an easy task escaping here. It probably requires something like a great feat of strength."

The moment Zim said 'feat of strength', Grandpapi Rivera began to think, "Feat of strength?" A light bulb literally appeared before his head and he said to Zim, "On the contrary, my friend! With you with me, we now have great strength of feet!"

"Uhhh…I don't believe I follow asked Zim a bit confused.

"Do as I do." He lifted his feet on the bar. "Put both your feet on the bar like so." Zim put his feet on the bar that his chains were connected too as. The old man continued, "Now on the count of kick...KICK!"

The two quickly kicked the bar down. Zim and Grandpapi Rivera laughed in triumph until a familiar voice yelled out.

"Hey, what was that?" demanded Flem as he came over to investigated. Quickly, Zim and Grandpapi Rivera pulled the bar right back and acted like they were still imprisoned, whistling innocently as they did. Zim put his beard back on as Flem came over. He demanded of the two, "What was that noise?"

Grandpapi stammered a bit, "The noise, uhh…the noise? The noise you heard was the breaking of this poor man's heart." He said finally and the old man winked to Zim, signalling him to play along.

"Oh yes. That's it." The Irken started to groan, pretending to be heart broken.

"It's sad for me to say this but he has decided to save his own life by betraying his king. It shames me so." said Grandpapi Rivera as he made the 'tsk tsk' sound.

Zim continued to 'groan', covering his eyes with the back of his hand, "Oh, damn my eyes!"

"Now go tell your superiors before he changes his mind." Grandpapi instructed Flem hurriedly. "Go quickly!"

Hearing this excited Flem, who exclaimed in joy, "By the love of my Christian God, this is great!"

"Go!" said Grandpapi in insistence.

As Flem began to run off to inform his superiors, he said, "This could mean a big promotion for me."

"Yes, now go."

"Anyone with good news always gets rewarded." said Flem as he ran to the cell door still excited.

Grandpapi exasperatedly and almost desperately told him, "Please just go already!"

Flem smiled as he left through the cell door. In relief, Zim and Grandpapi Rivera got back to pushing the bar.

"Then again," said Flem as he popped back into the dungeon. Luckily, Zim and Grandpapi Rivera quickly returned to acting like nothing had happened just as he did. Flem paused as he continued, "Anyone with bad news is always severely punished!" Flem paused, then shrugged it off as he left, closing the cell door on his way out.

"I thought he would never leave." said Grandpapi Rivera with an annoyed sigh. He then said to Zim, "Now let's do this."

Zim and Grandpapi got to work. They pushed the bar to the ground, pulled their chains right off, and hopped over the bar.

"You get that chain and I will get this one!"

The two began freeing the prisoners by taking the chains and pulling them out of the cuffs that were trapping them by their feet.

"I'm free, I'm free!" cheered the prisoners as they jumped up and shouted with glee and joy.

The prisoners, including Zim and Grandpapi Rivera, quickly to ran to a wall with a barred window at the top on a ledge. They flung their former chains up to the bars of the window, which they caught onto.

"Take my hand." said Zim as he helped Grandpapi up onto the ledge.

As the prisoners cheered, Grandpapi Rivera shouted over them, "Okay, now on the count of three..."

"1, 2, 3!" shouted everyone excitedly as they flipped the barred window from underneath. Wasting no time, they all hurried out at once, with Zim slamming the barred window down shut.

Seconds later, Flem returned to the cell, unaware of what just happened as he shouted, "Hey! I just told them the good news and..."

Flem stopped as he looked at the state of the cell in shock. The prisoners are gone with the chains all over the ground. He looked around and gulped nervously, "And I'm in deep shit!"

"Eh-hem…so it's actually bad news, I see."

Flem edged around to see and evilly smirking Red Guy holding a much larger and more painful pair of tongue looseners in his hands. "Well, perhaps YOU would like to try the tongue looseners, version 2.0!"

"Oh, dear…" Flem shivered as Red Guy loomed in, casting a dark shadow on him as he laughed manically.


	3. Chapter II

**(A/N) Here is chapter two. I hope you enjoy it. Oh and yes I** **know "Achoo" is not Mexican for 'jerk-offing, fuck-headed douche bag" but it was the best I could come up with. Gimme a break**.

* * *

**Chapter II**

After their escape from the POW camp, Zim and Grandpapi Rivera were picked up by Latverian troops and both transported to Latverian occupied territory on the Florida coasts. Right now, the two were inside Zim's General office in one of the military outposts, where was saying his goodbye to the spy. Zim, upon returning to the base, learned that the time had come for him to go on his vacation.

"It will be a long trip from America to Latveria, my good General."

"Well, I owe you a debt of gratitude, my new friend." Zim, who was now wearing his peaked General cap and sitting behind his desk, shook Grandpapi's hand. "I do not believe we have been properly introduced. I am General 'Invader' Zim of Scumlington."

"My name is Grandpapi Rivera. I am the grandfather of Achoo." said Grandpapi Rivera with a slight bow.

"Bless you." said Zim thinking that the old man has sneezed.

Grandpapi Rivera chuckled as he explains, "No, that is my grandson."

"His name is Achoo?"

"Well, actually, that is his nickname. It's Mexican for 'jerk-offing, fuck-headed douche bag. His real name is Manny Rivera aka El Tigre. He is in Latveria, your home country, as one of those exchange students." As he continued, the old man handed a picture to Zim explaining, "I wish for you to watch after him. He is in need of guidance. He's headstrong and cocksure!" Grandpapi Rivera then looked puzzled as he asked himself, "Or is that the other way around?"

Zim nodded as he pocketed the picture, telling him, "Say nothing more, Grandpapi Rivera. I vow on the sacred word of Scumlingtom. I give you my undying pledge, my solemn oath on my father's honour…

"Uh…good." said Grandpapi trying to interrupt.

Zim continued, not hearing him, "...on the blood of my heart, on the word of my soul..."

"Pardon for the rudeness but you must go now." said Grandpapi Rivera nodding to the plan stationed outside. "The pilot told me to tell you that if you are not on the plane by 11 o'clock you can go fuck yourself."

Zim took a look and nodded, shaking his friend's hand once more, "Oh thanks. Farewell my friend, I must be off. Not to worry, I'll find your grandson Manny."

With that, Zim jogged out the door of his office and Grandpapi waved him off. "Goodbye my friend! Farewell and safe journey!" said Grandpapi as he waved. He then paused and knowing he was alone in Zim's office, jumped behind the desk, rummaging through it for the vodka. Once he found it, he sat down in Zim's chair and began drinking it with his feet on the desk.

* * *

Outside, Zim marched down the carpet leading to the stairs which lead up to the door of the plane. Latverian soldiers were positioned alone the pathway, saluting the General. When he reached the top of the stairs, Zim turned around and did the Nixon salute to the troops before closing the door. The plane then ran down the runway and took flight.

* * *

It took Zim a few days (or a few seconds in this story) to reach Latveria. He flew passed Western Europe and into Eastern Europe, where his homeland was located in the Banat region and surrounded by the Carpathian Mountains. It was a poxy landlocked country, bordered by Hungary, Serbia and Romania with a population just under a million.

Zim soon made it home. His plane landed in Doomsport, which lied on the southern outskirts of Doomstadt, Latveria's capital city. Zim climbed down the plane's staircase and upon reach the bottom, he looked up to see an overhead sign next to the airports with the words, "WELCOME TO LATVERIA. DOOM'S WORD IS LAW!"

"At last, I'm home! Latveria!" sighed Zim in relief, breathing in deep the cold air.

A Latverian officer marched up to Zim and saluted him. "General, welcome back to Latveria. I am sure you will enjoy your leave."

"Thank you, officer. Do you have my horse ready?"

"Um…yes, sir."

Zim chose not to be escorted back to his home of Scumlington via a chauffeur. He instead preferred a mechanical horse so he could take in the scenery of his homeland. The lush green forest, the prisons, the nuclear missile launch pads…ugh…best forget that last part.

* * *

Scumlington was a village and suburb of the capital Doomstadt. It was also where Zim was born and raised with his family, whom were amongst the highest ranks of noblemen. Zim was on his way there now, riding upon his mechanical horse through one of the forests.

However, on his way home, he heard a noise - the distinct noise of a guy totally getting his ass handed to him. Zim stopped as he looked forward to see an alarming scene. A young boy of Mexican origin was surrounded and being beaten the living shit out of by Latveria's police force, which consisted of robot sentinels dubbed as Doombots and human police dressed in green and silver clad uniforms.

Such a sight was common. Latveria's population consists of mixed European stock and Gypsies so therefore being a minority made it particularly easy for a guy to be targeted, especially by the police.

Normally, Zim would not care for the welfare of a foreigner, in fact, if anything he would join in and be the one who took it too care. But in this case, something about this kid concerned him. Zim took out the picture Grandpapi Rivera had given him and looked at it. He examined it carefully and looked back up at the scene.

The young Mexican boy was dressed in a superhero uniform. It was styled like a black tiger with brown boots; a belt with a 'T' on the buckle; a tiger mask with white whiskers on the side and large claw gloves. According to photograph in Zim's hand, this was surely Manny Rivera aka El Tigre aka Achoo, Grandpapi Rivera's grandson.

"Achoo?" asked Zim calling out to the crowd, referring to the boy his nickname.

The police and Doombots stop whaling on the boy long enough to turn around and state, "Bless you!" They then proceeded to return beating the crap out of Manny. As this continued, Zim got off and frowned."Damn, I hope someone's getting a video of this." groaned Manny as he got punched by one of the Doombots

"That must definitely be Manny Rivera." said Zim as he put the picture away. Now although it went across his urge to see a minority beaten, Zim had made a promise to Grandpapi Rivera. Mechanical spider legs protruded from out of his back pack. He went up to one of the officers, tapped his shoulder to make him turn and stabbed his face with his spider leg.

The officer screamed and Zim picked him up with the spider legs and tossed him at the others, knocking them over like bowling pins. After Manny was freed from the Doombots and officers' circle, Zim then grabbed an officer and held him in a headlock.

"Watch my back!" yelled Zim to Manny

Manny watched as a Doombot punched Zim's back two times, making the Irken grimace in pain.

"Your back just got punched twice." explained Manny.

"Thank you!" said Zim as one of his spider legs stabbed the Doombot in its eye and into its head.

After a cheesy typical fight scene, all the officers and Doombots had been beaten to the ground, giving the two heroes enough time to talk.

"Hey, thanks a lot, man. That was great." said Manny as he smiled.

"Think nothing of it," said Zim with a smirk.

"So who are you anyway?"

"Uh...I think now is not the time for introductions." said Zim in concern. The officers and Doombots had recovered and stood back up. Before they could attack, Manny interrupted.

"Whoa, whoa, time out! Hold up, my European friends. I'm running out of air! Gotta get pumped!" said Manny quickly. He placed his claws onto boots, pumping air into them. This confused the bad guys as well as Zim. Crazy Westerners. With a smirk, Manny got back up and said, "Time in!

The Doombots and officers were only happy to oblige as they closed in on our heroes. "So Manny, do you know any praying mantis?" Zim asked Manny out through the corner of his mouth

Manny smirked as he said, "Hey, you're looking at him."

Then suddenly the two screamed ninjas and started posing like them. This confused the officers and Doombots but shrugging, they attacked anyway. But this proved to be a mistake as they all got their asses handed to them through a series of cheesy, over-the-top karate moves.

Finally, the bad guys had had enough and proceeded to run away, screaming like little girls as one officer cried, "Let's get out of here!"

"They're witches!" "They're possessed!" "They're insane!" "They're crazy." Screamed each officer as they rode off on their nearby mechanical horses, while the Doombots took off in the air. Only one officer was left behind, due to the fact that there were not enough horses and his fellow officers could not give a rat's ass.

"Nice work, my Mexican friend." Zim said to Manny as they began to head off, taking the mechanical horse's reins as they lead it off.

The remaining officer yelled after the, getting their attention, "You twats! You haven't seen the last of us!"

Narrowing his eyes, Zim's mechanical spider legs pointed upward and the tips of each one. Bright beams shot out of the tips, striking the officer in the chest and in a flash, reduced the main to a skeleton which immediately collapsed.

"Yeah, uh...we've seen the last of you." said Zim, blowing at the tip of his spider leg before they all retracted back into backpack.

* * *

Later, after the two had been properly introduced, Zim and Manny rode on the mechanical horse together through Scumlington. They soon came upon an astonishing castle, which according to an engraved sign above the door was called, 'SCUMLINGTON HALL'.

"There it is…" stated Zim as he swelled with pride. "Scumlington Hall, home to my family for twelve generations."

"Okay, let's go, move it!"

To the two heroes' shock, the castle literally began moving away! It was attached to a horse-driven carriage which slowly pulled the castle off its very foundations. Zim grasped his General's cap and his jaw dropped.

Someone was standing by the castle, instructing the ones in the carriage as the castle was being towed away. She was marionette/dummy/doll girl with dark blue hair done up in pig tails and wearing a purple shirt and red skirt. Her name was Dummy Girl. The heroes jumped off the horse and ran towards the scene.

"Move it, keep it going! Move it, here we go!" continued Dummy Girl as the towing continued.

"Stop the castle! Stop the castle right now!" screamed Zim as he grabbed a hold of the doorframe and tried to make it stop. Dummy Girl rolled her eyes and whistled, making the men in the carriage stop their towing. When they and the castle stopped, Zim confronted the dummy furiously.

"You there! I demand to know what is going on here!" Zim demanded angrily, putting his hands on his sides. "Why are you towing away the castle of **ZIM?"**

Dummy Girl shrugged, took out a piece of paper, and held it out to him remarking in her Brooklyn accent, "Read it and weep."

"What's up with that?" asked Manny puzzled as Zim took the paper.

Zim began to read the paper out loud, "'Hear ye, hear ye. For failure to pay back taxes, all the lands, castles, and property of the family Scumlington shall be taken in lieu of payment. Signed, Princess Sari's Royal Accountant, IMA Dickhead?" This angered Zim as he tossed the paper away and snapped at Dummy Girl indignantly, "This is a sham! I vow here and now that I, **ZIM **will restore my castle to its rightful place!"

"Yeah, whatever. You vow, we move." Grinned Dummy Girl smugly. She turned back to the man in the carriage as she yelled, "Okay, guys! Move it! Get rid of it!"

The movers started towing the castle away once more, all of them laughing wickedly as they did. The heroes could only watch helplessly as the once proud castle of the family of Scumlington was towed away. Of course, only the foundations remained.

Zim then spots someone close by sitting on a wooden toilet. He was a fat purple cat/bear/rabbit creature who wore a purple sweater and eccentric hat. Right now he was wearing glasses with black lenses and eating southern fried chicken from a barrel as he sat down on the toilet, unaware of what happened. Also, sitting down in the now former room outside the toilet was a little grey Irken-brand robot with blue eyes, his head tilting left and right stupidly

"Chowder? Gir?" asked Zim in surprise, seeing his old friends.

"You know those…thing?" asked Manny, completely baffled by the strange creature and the creepy robot.

Zim pointed to Chowder and Gir, explaining to Manny, "That's Chowder and Gir. Chowder's family's loyal blind servant and Gir…eh, my comedic sidekick."

Manny cringed, rubbing the back of his neck, "Ooooh, Chowder's blind? Ouch!"

"Yes, I remember the day he became blind…" Zim remembered fondly, his hands on his sides. "I was bored, so I ordered him to claw his eyes out with his bare hands."

The two heard some neighing and they turned behind to see the mechanical horse run off spooked. "Oh, jeeze, I'll go get it." said Manny, running off to catch the horse.

Once Manny left, Zim walked into the foundation and approached the still unaware Chowder. "Chowder!" exclaimed Zim happily. Yes, Chowder was a total twit, but he did have some strange liking for his servant.

"Oh, hold on! Coming!" yelled Chowder as dropped the now empty barrel. He got up and pulled his pants back up.

"Chowder!"

Chowder gasped as he recognized that voice, "Master Zim? Is that you?"

"Yes!" smiled Zim,

Gir got up excitedly, running over to Zim and hugging onto his legs. "You're back from the war?"

"Yes!"

"And alive?" Chowder asked hopefully.

Zim paused and repeated exasperatedly, "…yes."

"Alright! Happy day!" cheered Chowder gleefully. He ran up to Zim and Gir only to ram right into a Venus de Milo statue next to him, falling down. As he got back up, he looked more confused, "Wasn't there a door there a while ago?" He then reached out to hug Zim but gasped in horror.

"Master Zim!" yelled Chowder. He held onto what he believed to be Zim. Of course, he was holding the Venus de Milo statue and so mistook it for Zim. He felt the statue's arms, which were not there, and gasped, "Oh no! You lost your arms in battle! This is terrible!" He felt something else and smiled brightly, "Wow! And you grew some big boobs!"

Zim rolled his eyes in annoyance and slapped his forehead. "Uh Chowder...I'm over here!"

Realizing his mistake, Chowder said, "Oops! My bad," To the statue, he whispered gleefully, "Later…"

He comes over to Zim and Gir. Zim grabbed him and spoke up, "Chowder, something terrible has happened! The castle has been taken!"

"I thought it was cold in here." Chowder sighed crestfallen, his shoulders slumping. "This never would have happened if your father was alive."

Zim, upon hearing that, gasped in horror. He grabbed Chowder's arms, asking him, "My father is dead?"

"Yeah…he died." said Gir grimly.

"What about my mother?"

"She died of the plague when…" explained Chowder who then realised. "Oh, yeah, you were away."

Zim asked them hopefully, "My brothers and baby sisters?"

Chowder counted each of his digits as he recalled every death, "Kev chocked on a potato, Nute was done in by the mob, Rune spontaneously combusted…"

Gir finished off, in an inappropriately happy voice, "And baby Rosa was ripped limb from by wolverines!"

Zim's eye twitched and begged, "My dog Pluto?"

"Skull smashed by a falling cinderblock."

"My goldfish Goldie?" asked Zim, hoping that his fish had at least survived.

Gir giggled, clapping his hands, "Eaten by the cat."

"My cat?" whimpered Zim, choking in disbelief.

"Chocked on the goldfish." finished Chowder grimly.

Zim looked down in complete and utter sadness. Almost every member of his family was dead. What a depressing moment this was…

"It's great to be home, isn't it, Master Zim?" asked Chowder and Gir stupidly and happily as they hugged their master. Zim got free for a moment then spied something hanging around Chowder's neck.

"Hey, what is that? A necklace?" asked Zim pointing at the object.

"Oh, now I remember." said Chowder now sounding all serious. He took what seemed to be a locket hanging from a necklace around his neck. He proceeded to explain, "Before he died, your father wanted you to have this. He said that inside is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land."

"Amazing..."

Gir requested hopefully, "Can we keep it?"

"Well, no, Gir, I think I ought to honour my father's wishes."

Chowder took off the locket with a necklace and handed it to his master. Zim took it and put it around his neck. Zim looked around and sighed, putting his arm around Chowder. "Come, Chowder and Gir. Let's leave this depressing foundation. We have much to do and less time to do it in." With that, the three left the foundation of the castle and went to look for Manny.

* * *

**(A/N) Now I am having difficulty as to who to have as the Sherrif. Daffy, or I was thinking of switching to Dib. Which do you think? **


	4. Chapter III

**(A/N) Here is Chapter III and I have chosen Dib as the Sheriff.**

* * *

**Chapter III**

As Zim, Chowder and Gir were heading out of the foundations of the castle, looking for Manny, they heard a familiar voice yelling out to them, "Hey, Zim, wait up for a moment! I got it!" The three turned to see Manny returning to them, leading the mechanical horse by its reigns. "He was running fast but I caught his ass."

Zim nodded, crossing his arms, "Ah, nicely done, Manny."

"Who's that?" asked the blind Chowder, puzzled as he heard Manny's voice.

Zim introduced Chowder and Gir to his new associate, "Chowder, Gir, I'd like you both to meet Manny Rivera aka El Tigre aka Achoo."

"A Jew?" Chowder said in shock, twisting his head left and right. "Where?"

"N-n-no, Chowder, not a Jew. Achoo." Zim corrected the cat/bear/rabbit creature flatly. "It's Manny's nickname."

Chowder now realized and nodded slowly, "Ohhhhhhh."

"Put her there!" said Manny as he held out his hand for Chowder and Gir.

"How are ya?" asked Chowder and Gir as they reached out to shake Manny's hand. However, Chowder extended his hand too high and hit Manny in the face and Gir, at his height reached too low and hit Manny's groin by mistake. Both these accidents made Manny cringe in pain.

"Well, I have been better." said Manny, wheezing and grabbing his groin.

Suddenly, the four could hear a noise. It sounded like someone screaming. Zim cocked his head left and right and queried, "What is that?"

**"AAAGGGHHH! HELP ME! SAVE ME!"**

Emerging from out of the forests, a square-shaped yellow anthropomorphic sponge ran in a panic towards the group. He was wearing a pair of square brown pants, a white shirt, red tie and black boots. His name was Spongebob Squarepants As he drew closer, he put his hands to the side of his head and screamed like a certain childhood actor - whose name shall NOT be mentioned - in a series of movies - the name of which shall NEVER be mentioned in my stories - about him being home alone without adult supervision.

As the sponge ran to the group and hid behind them, Manny commented in surprise, "Am I the only one seeing the walking talking sponge?"

"Whoa, whoa, let's cool it for a moment" Zim told the Spongebob, taking his shoulders to calm him down. "What's the problem?"

"You guys have got to help me, here!" begged Spongebob as he pointed in the direction from which he came. "They're after me!"

"Who is?"

As if to answer his question, the sounds of _'da-da-da'_ were heard by the group from the forest. The group and Spongebob turned to the forest's direction and saw Latverian police and Doombots, or more often known collectively as the National Guard, charging out and riding mechanical horses. As they approached nearer, it could be seen that they were produces the _'da-da-da' _sounds via kazoos.

As the men and Doombots came closer, the leader of the group stood out among them. He was a short, large headed boy who had black hair pulled back into a scythe-like manner and wore a pair of large glasses. He wore a black trench coat decorated with medals and a grey sash over a blue jumper that had a grey face on it. His name was Dib Membrane, the feared Sheriff of Doomstadt.

As Dib and his men stopped in front of them, the former ordered the group in front of Spongebob, "Over that sponge hand!"

Zim's group looked confused at what Dib just said. Dib cringed, realizing his error and corrected himself, "Hand over that sponge."

Standing his ground and keeping his very thin arms crossed, Zim questioned, "And whom might I ask demands it?" In truth, Zim actually recognized this human boy. But did the boy recognize him?

Dib sat up on his mechanical horse arrogantly and introduced himself, "I am Dib Membrane, the Sheriff of Doomstadt." Ah, the Sheriff of the capital. Now an ordinary Sheriff might not sound so fearful to you or me, but do keep in mind that Latveria had few cities. So therefore, the Sheriffs of each of these few cities, especially the capital, were among the most powerful people in the country.

"So what has this, uh, this…sponge done?"

"Simply, we caught him poaching in the King's forest. He deered to kill a King's dare!" Among realizing his mispronunciation, Dib cringed once more. "Dared-to-kill-a-King's-dear!"

This did not sound right to Zim. King Doom's forest was open for people to hunt it only as long as they at least had a permit. "Since when did this became an offence?" He asked sceptically, raising one eyebrow.

"Since last month. It's punishable by death, where HAVE you been?" asked Dib as he rolled his eyes irritably. He obviously did not recognize the Irken standing before him.

Zim explained proudly, looking up at Dib, "Fighting with King Doom in the Americo-Latverian war." He then smirked slyly and added, turning his head to his comrades, "Unfortunately, my father couldn't get me into the National Guard."

"Oooooooo." Manny, Chowder, Gir and Spongebob whistled as if they were on _Oprah. _Ugh…

Dib's face turned as red as a tomato. He yelled furiously, "How DARE you talk to me in that fashion! Who are you?"

"Why, I am General ZIM of Scumlington, of course." said Zim as he bowed to Dib, putting great emphasis of his name.

Dib narrowed his eyes as he finally recognized the Irken. These two had quite a history together, which made it a real surprise that Dib did not remember him. Maybe Zim had been away longer than he had thought. If you've seen their show - Invader Zim, then I do not need to explain their history, but if you have not, then fuck you, that is what the internet is for. "Oh…oh, yeah, I remember you, ZIM!"

"It has been quite a while now, hasn't it, DIB?"

"Too long! H-hey, you what I've been told? I've been told you've gotten much better in battle! Well…let's find out!" Dib took the handle of his sword from his sheaf and pulled it out threateningly…only to find that all he was holding was the handle instead. He looked at it in confusion. "Wait…what the fuck…?"

Zim rolled his eyes and the 'spider legs' protruded from his backpack. He scuttled over to the side of Dib's mechanical horse, and before Dib had time to notice, Zim slashed the strap of the saddle that kept Dib steady. The Sheriff screamed as he spun, still attached to the saddle, 180 degrees, ending with him sitting on the stomach of his hose. This resulted in everyone, including Dib's own officers and EVEN the Doombots to burst out in laughter.

The Sheriff was now grinding his teeth loudly. "Okay, I was upset with you before, Zim, but now I'm really **PISSED-OFF!"**

"Pissed off? Man, if I was close to a horse's dick, I would be more worried about getting pissed ON!" cracked Manny, who laughed but immediately stopped to think about the logic of his joke. "Wait…if that's a mechanical horse…then it's leaked on and…ah, this joke is confused."

"You know, this wasn't really smart of you, Zim. I'll pay for this!" yelled Dib in fury, .Manny nodded his head in a 'yes' as he grinned toothily. "…YOUwillpay for this!" He looked up at his fellow officers and Doombots, "Kill them all!" Before the National Guard could respond, Zim's 'spider leg' pointed itself at the Sheriff's throat and glowing pink. "…n-no wait…I've changed my mind."

The General grinned in victory, "A wise decision. I thought you would see things my way." He turned Dib's mechanical horse around and said, "Well, until we see each other again, have a safe journey!"

Zim used a 'spider leg' to strike the hose in the butt, sending it running off at a fast rate. Dib yelped repeatedly as his large head hit against the ground due to his current position.

"Oh, mind the big rocks!" Zim called after with a sneer. "We don't want you injuring that big head of yours, now do we?"

"**MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!"**

Seeing their leader flee, the National Guard quickly followed after him, once again playing their kazoos. "Oh shut up, you bloody fools!" screamed Dib at the men as he disappeared into the forest, still underneath his horse and still hitting his head.

Zim quipped, the spider legs retracting after Dib and his minions fled, "Good riddance to bad rubbish, I always say."

"Hey, thanks a lot, sir." Spongebob said to Zim in appreciation. "I will be sure to tell everyone I know that there is one person who'll stand up to Dib and his men."

"Very good. Do tell them that…" Zim begun with a grin, but then continued into a speech. "And also tell them I, ZIM, shall end the injustice. I will right the wrongs, end the tyranny, restore the throne, protect the forest…" The other frowned irritably at the increasing length of this speech. "…I will also introduce river dancing, demand a four-day workweek and free healthcare for..."

"NO!" Chowder, Gir and Manny yelled at once in regards to the last part.

Gir put his hands to his hips and scolded his master, "Shame on you. Don't be a Communist, Master Zim!"

Zim frowned and slapped, knowing that he had accidentally returned the group to the age-old argument that has been debated to this very day. "Look, guys, I'm just saying, free healthcare has worked so well in other European countries and…"

Spongebob butted in quickly and nervously, "Y-yeah, uh, that's great, uh…well, it's getting dark around now, so…I better get going, you know?"

"Oh, yes, of course.

"Bye." Then Spongebob screamed madly once more and runs off in panic into the woods.

Chowder sighed glumly, watching as Spongebob disappeared. "He's just not as funny and likeable since his show reached eight seasons, you know what I mean?" The others nodded in agreement.

* * *

Okay, now for those of you who don't like politics…fuck you, because the current political situation is central to the story. Now, the current King of Latveria, his majesty Victor von Doom was absent as he was off leading the Latverian forces in the war against America. As Latverian law dictates, whenever the current monarch is ever absent, the next in the line to the throne was to take control over the Kingdom until the monarch returned. That is where Princess Sari Sumdac von Doom comes into our story. Even though her brother was an absolute monarch, Princess Sari was considered by the people to be ten times as tyrannical and brutal. A secret police spying on the citizens; surveillance cameras in every public area; property seizures; public beatings from the police; Purges and show trials more thorough and vicious than Josef Stalin and taxes so high that they would give Barack Obama a run for his money. Hey-ooooo!

Seriously though, while there was an evil roaming the Doomstadt castle halls, in one of the castle towers, there seemed to be happiness as a beautiful voice could be heard singing from outside.

"_**Where is the one**_

_**That I love most of all?**_

_**When will I hear him call**_

_**Tak, Tak? **_

_**He is the one**_

_**Who can make my life whole**_

_**Joyful forevermore**_

Inside the tower, a female Irken was sitting down in a bathtub full of hot bubbling…blood….fucking psychos, man. I-I mean, she was very beautiful in Irken terms with dark purple eyes and stylish antennas. This was Lady Tak, an Irken of Latverian nobility. She was not the one singing, but rather a radio next to the bath.

_**I've waited so patiently**_

_**For a true love**_

_**When will he come for me?**_

_**Where is he?**_

_**Where is he?**_

Crash! Tak turned around and saw that one of the cameramen had broken a window in the room - goddamnit, this is what you get when you get when you hire your cousins to work the camera. Nice one, Aidan, nice on!

The camera retracted and Tak shook her head is disgust. "Weirdo…" she grumbled.

_**Where is the man**_

_**Who carries the key?**_

_**When will he be**_

_**With his Tak, Tak? **_

_**I cannot wait**_

_**Till he sets my heart free**_

_**Oh, when will I know him?**_

_**When will I see him?**_

_**When will I hear him...say-**_

Smash! Tak destroyed the radio with her fist. Just then a stereotypical-looking butler, dressed in black suit and whom had thinning black hair stepped into the room. His name was Hovis.

"Will you be getting out of the bath today, milady?" said Hovis in a voice that had to be the most dry and deadpan one ever heard. He was holding a towel over his arm. "You should rise before the cow's blood completely ruins your belt."

"Very well." frowned Tak. She climbed out, drenched in blood to reveal she was wearing…a chastity belt. Now I know what you're thinking so cut it out…sickos!

"Hurry now. It is freezing in these castles." said Hovis as Tak took the towel and dried herself off. She then took a bathrobe and draped herself in it. Hovis walked up to a fireplace and turned a lever, making a fire appear automatically. "Much better."

Tak heard a caw. She turned to see a raven landing on the window sill. "Ah, a raven, I see!" She marched up to the raven, grabbed it tight in her fist and brought it to her eye-level. "According to our idiotic custom, after hearing your cry, I am entitled to a wish!" She cleared her throat and wished, or rather ordered, "I, TAK, demand, puny raven, a man...a man who is rich…who will support me so I can spend whatever the damn hell I like…a professional, preferably a dentist…oh and who possesses the key to my..." Tak paused as she looked down. Hovis gave her a stern warning look and raised an eyebrow. Tak shrugged as she continued, patting her chest, "...heart."

Crunch! She looked and cringed at the sight in her hand. Tak accidentally killed the raven in her vice grip. "Ooooh…"

Hovis pulled a rubber glove over his hand and took the dead raven from Tak. "I'll dispose of it." He left the room to get rid of the raven.

"I need a Red Bull…" Tak muttered, walking over to the mini-fridge.

* * *

In the Doomstadt castle's throne room, the acting monarch of Latveria was presently sitting down lazily on the reclining gold and jewel encrusted demonic throne which was situated on an ascending platform. The dark green coloured throne room was ridiculously large, length and width wise with large chandeliers hanging from the ceilings. The floor and columns suspending the ceiling were made of marble and green tapestry with the Latverian emblem hung from the walls. Flaming torches were placed in between the tapestry and an especially gaudy and superfluous tapestry of this acting monarch was hanging above the throne where she sat. Two guards, armed with rifles were stationed in front of the double door entrance.

The monarch was a short dark-skinned young girl with dark red hair tied into two large pigtails and brown eyes. She was wearing tight orange leather leggings and an orange leather tube top. On her hands she wore jewel encrusted and superfluous rings and on top of her head she wore a golden crown, albeit she wore it tilted. This was none other than Princess Sari Sumdac von Doom, King Doom's younger sister whom had taking the position of acting monarch of Latveria in her brother's absence and was abusing his power to the extreme.

Standing around Sari were her entourage of aristocrats and toadies. Standing out especially amongst them was a thin girl on the tall side with her large head sporting dark blue hair. She had brown eyes; blue fingernails; a quirky mouth and nose; ears that poke out from her unusually coloured hair and five well placed freckles on each side of her face. A little dragonfly hair clip that she placed on the right side of her head (from her point of view) and a monocle was placed over one of her eyes. She was wearing a black gold buttoned jacket decorated in medals and a green sash; black pants and black jackboots. This was Coraline Jones von Krump, Sari's official political advisor and top toady.

Just then, there was loud banging on the large double doors. One of the guards went opened it up and Sheriff Dib burst in with two of his officers.

"Princess Sari!" Dib addressed the monarch whom he had sworn his allegiance to. "I must speak with you at once!"

Sari, who was at the moment drinking a large can of Red Bull, rolled her eyes and turned to everyone in the room as she said, "Okay, everyone except Coraline, meet the furnace!" She pressed a red button on the armrest, causing a ring around her and Coraline to open up and everyone besides them to fall to their fiery deaths. It then closed as if nothing had happened.

Blowing away some of the smoke, Sari then looked at you, the reader. "Yeah…I'm playing the bad guy. And you know what…say what ya want, but this is the only chance EVER I'm gonna get at experiencing what being the bad guy is like, so don't ruin this for me. In fact, just to piss you fan boys off even more…" Sari took out a bell and shook it, before calling names, "Cream! Cheese! Get in here!"

An anthropomorphic female cream rabbit of six and her pet Chao entered the throne room, with the rabbit, whose name was Cream, saying in the most sugary and nauseating voice, "Yes, Princess Sari, how might we serve you?"

"Could you stand on that red X there?" Sari said, pointing at a red X shape on the floor.

Cream and Cheese did so, the former asking, "Like this?"

"Perfect." Sari grinned ear-to-ear and pressed a blue button on the armrest and…

_Splat!_

All that was left was the large black safe and the scattered blood surrounding it. Sari looked back at you, the reader and smirked, "Yep, I just did that…and I LOVED it!"

The Sheriff and his men, totally unnerved by what they just saw, walked down the throne room with only Dib ascending the platform to stand next to Sari. "Anywaaaay...your highness. I have…news."

Coraline, who drinking coke from a wine glass, said as she was about to drink, "Well, what kind of news is it?"

"And it better not be bad news. You know I can't stomach bad news!" snarled Sari, her grip tightening on the armrests. "The day started out so good! I had a good night's sleep and a good pot session! I don't want any bad news…so what kind of news is it?"

Dib bit his lip and gulped, ready for the worst, "Well to be Frank, who I am not, it is very bad."

Sari yelled as loud as she could, making everyone jump, including Coraline onto the edge of the platform who nearly spilt her coke. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS BAD NEWS!" Biting onto her first, Sari calmed down somewhat and began to speak, looking up at Dib, "I have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the _bad_ news in a _good_ way, it won't sound so bad."

"Hmmmm..." said Dib as he though about this carefully. "You want the bad news in a good way? Well…I-I suppose I could do that…" He cleared his throat as he turned to face Sari and Coraline. "Okay, here it goes..." After he cleared his throat once more, he started laughing forcibly out loud. "Hahahahaha! Wait 'till ya hear this. I just ran into General Zim of Scumlington, he's back from the war!" As Dib continued, Sari and Coraline began laughing a bit. "H-he just beat the crap out of me and my men!" Of course, upon hearing this, Sari and Coraline looked shocked. Dib continued laughing like mad as he continued, "He hates you and he loves your brother Victor!"

Dib laughed like mad as he scoffed a few times. By now, Sari's face was vivid and she was grinding her teeth, whilst Dib, who did not notice, continued laughing, "And..." He scoffed a few times more. "He wants to see you shot! We're in an awful lot of trouble now! Hahahahahaha!"

Sari had finally had enough. **"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?" **Dib shut up immediately and cowered in fright, **"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? THIS IS TERRIBLE NEWS!"**

"Well…you wanted me to soften the blow."

"Well, you blew it!" snapped Sari angrily.

Dib looked concerned as he backed off with his hands behind his back, "You know this is a big problem, your majesty that won't easily be solved. Zim may be an egotistical jerk but the people love him and will listen to him."

Sari worriedly started chewing on her filed silver palm tree decorated nails. General Zim was easily a threat to her power, unless he was taken care of at once. "What am I gonna do? I am not gonna lose my power! Only people in power can wear pants as hot as these! She then glared and shouted at Coraline, "Coraline!"

"Ja…my Princess?" Coraline asked timidly.

"Coraline, you're my advisor, this sort of problem involves thinking. I don't think - it gives me wrinkles, so that's what I have YOU for!" She grabbed Coraline by the collar and pulled her closer. "Now think of something!"

"Well, I, um…err…"

Sari's finger was now dangerously close to the button she used to get rid of her former cronies. From where she was standing, Coraline would suffer the same fate. "Think of something NOW!"

Coraline finally thought of something as she said just in time to save her life, smiling nervously, "Oh! I know! Creepella! The strange bug girl who predicts your future!"

Smiling in satisfaction and letting Coraline go, Sari sat back in her throne, drinking down the rest of her Red Bull. "Perfect…"

"Oh yes. Creepie." Dib frowned and shuddered, "Is she ugly!"


	5. Chapter IV

**(A/N) Here is the next chapter, with quite a few alterations I am sure you will like. Of course, Creepie Creecher plays the witch "Latrine" and I hope you will be alright with the characters I choose for Little John and Will.**

* * *

**Chapter IV**

Princess Sari and Coraline made their way up to one of the castle towers which served as the residence a one Creepella "Creepie" Creecher. Inside it looked like the standard evil laboratory, what with chemical vats, shelves upon shelves of flask and test tubes, whatever. Sari called out for her the moment she burst in, slamming the door in Coraline's face in the process.

"Creepie? Creepie, I must speak with you! Where the hell are you?" Sari demanded, storming through the laboratory and looking around. She then passed something and as she turned around to look it, Sari screamed in terror.

"AAAGGGHHH!" When she saw who it is, she calmed herself down "Oh, Creepie. There you are."

It was a very short gothic girl with pale, deathly white skin like a bloated, dead fish. She also had hair tied into two tatty pigtails comprised of the colours lime green, pink, orange, red and blue. Her eyes were enormous bug eyes with purple eyeliner. She wore a short gothic black dress over a pink and black stripped jumper and stockings. This was obviously the girl known as Creepie.

Sari sat down at a table in the middle of the laboratory, telling her in great concern, "I've got this little green douche bag who's likely to be a threat to my power. Is there anything you tell me about Invader Zim of Scumlington? You are, after all, my royal confidant."

The door opened and Coraline walked in disoriented. "But I thought…I-I was your R-royal confidant…"

"Shut it, Coraline!"

Creepie, meanwhile, thought carefully about the question and pondered aloud, "Hmmm…Invader Zim of Scumlington, eh? Let's see…" she went over to a chemical vat and began dumping chemicals, their flasks and tubes included, into it. Fumes of different colours piped out from the vat before she spoke again, "The one you are concern about…this Zim of Scumlington, is very handsome and brave. He seeks to reclaim his family's honour and restore the throne back to your brother." A miniature mushroom cloud appeared from the vat and struck the ceiling. "The little green bastard could be a lot of trouble."

"Are you certain?" asked Sari worriedly, returning once again to her bad habit of chewing on her nails.

"'Certain'?" scoffed Creepie as she shoved a pump into the vat which guzzled up the contents and transferred it to another machine. "If you want certain, go hire a witch. I'm just an alchemist. Believe it or not, there IS a different."

Sari slumped in her chair, mumbling sarcastically, "Yeah, uh-huh, sure…"

Coraline stumbled through the room, still dizzy until she balanced herself on a chair. "Oh, yeah…that reminds me, Creepie. How's the gold coming along?" As an alchemist for the Princess, Creepie's job was to produce vast quantities of gold by transforming lead and other matter into it for Sari. By doing so, Sari's wealth and the Royal Treasury would sky rocket, or at least that was the general plan. Sari did intend to use it for her own means as well. Mysteriously, no one had ever seen HOW Creepie made it…

The Princess perked up a bit in her chair. "Oh, yeah! We got enough for my statue yet?"

Creepie stammered a bit, her fingers tapping repeatedly against the table, "Well, uhh…I'll show ya…" She scuttled over to a cabinet, opened it up and took out a black ceramic bowel, which she then brought over to Sari and Coraline. "Here…take a look…"

The two look into the bowel and searched the inside closely. Nothing. Nothing except…a little speck of gold.

Sari picked up the little speck between her fingers and examined it thoroughly. She scowled and hissed, "Is…this…it?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Are you kidding?" Coraline screeched incredulously. "We've provided you with a laboratory and astronomical state funding…and this is all you've produced?"

Creepie set the bowel down and crossed her arms. "Hey, don't blame me. Making gold is a difficult process and with the current conditions, that little speck is a job well done!"

"So how do I get more?" Sari demanded.

"I need a lot more funding and, uh…a much bigger laboratory."

The Princess snapped her fingers, "Done. Coraline, note that down." As an exasperatedly sighing Coraline did so, Sari got back to the subject at hand. "Now then, about Zim. How can I stop him? You've gotta know something."

Creepie rubbed her chin but then elaborated as she sat down, explaining to Sari darkly, "You want my advise? It's a major rule in war. To defeat your enemy you must become your enemy. You must study him, expose his frailties and when he is at his weakest…you CRUSH 'EM! Also, you must pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance. It will only contribute to his own downfall!"

"Hey, that last part is from Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War'!" Coraline pointed out loudly, destroying the dramatic moment. Creepie just frowned, pulled out a pistol and _bang! _She shot Coraline square in the leg!

"AAGGHH! Aye, aye, AYE!" She screamed, grabbing her leg and toppling over.

"Of course, if you want my help, there's something you need to do for me in return." added Creepie, ignoring Coraline's pain and she approaching Sari with a seductive look in her eyes

Sari's face turned green and she recoiled it in disgust. "UGH! No way! I don't swing THAT way, girl!"

"No, stupid! I don't mean THAT!" She snapped, slapping her forehead. "I mean, I want you to put a good word in for me with Sheriff Dib." She sighed and shuddered. "I feel horny for him…" As Sari made an even more repulsed expression, Creepie strode over to a curtain and pulled it open. Behind it she revealed a cardboard cut-out of Dib himself. "I always keep a likeness of him in my boudoir." She sighed deeply as she hugged it. "Oh Dib. Oh Dibby, Dibby, Dib," She kissed it deeply with her tongue. It was not the real Dib, but it was the closest thing she had.

Sari watched this dryly, resting her head on her hand. "Well, I'm impressed." She stated with mockery in her voice. "To think that an amazing blade like Sheriff Membrane, would ever want someone, or something, like you."

Creepie scoffed angrily, turning her back on her and tending to her shelf of chemicals. "Well, if you want puncture my hopes and dreams…then you can find someone else to produce your gold!"

"Now hold it, hold it, hold it!" exclaimed Sari in alarm, getting up from her seat and running up to her side. Creepie was the only alchemist in Latveria and without, how else would she obtain more gold for herself. She thought of something and fast, "I have an idea…maybe if we got him drunk? Very drunk!"

Creepie smiled at this proposal and laughed low and evilly. "Oh…I like that. That's a very good idea indeed!"

Nearby, the cardboard cut-out of Dib seemed to be watching this as its expression turned to that of shocked and horrified.

* * *

In the forest, Zim and his comrades were still riding their mechanical horses through as they continued their journey…where the Hell were they going anyway? Ah, well. They stopped when they approached a metal bridge built over a large river.

Standing on top of the bridge was a ten-foot tall green crocodile monster that was looked large enough to rip a man in half like a phone book. Handcuffs with linkages were stuck on his wrists and except for a pair of purple tattered pants, he wore no clothes. This was the legendary Latverian menace, simply known as Killer Croc. He was standing on the bridge in a manner that seemed to challenge someone to dare try and cross.

Zim, seeing Killer Croc and sensing trouble, ordered his comrades, "Everybody off." They all did so. "You all wait here until I see what's up." He left the others standing there and approached the bridge apprehensively. When he came face to face with Killer Croc, Zim asked him somewhat politely, "Hey, uh…if it's not too much trouble…could you, ya know…get out of our way and fuck off?"

"Well, I'd be happy to oblige." replied Killer Croc. "Provided you pay the toll, of course."

"Toll? What toll?"

"Yes, the toll you must pay for crossing my bridge."

This infuriated Zim, who snapped at the crocodile man, "I'm not paying any toll, crocodile man! This bridge is on my family's land…well, it used to be my family's land, anyway."

Hearing this, Killer Croc's eyes widened and at last deducted the identity of the Irken. "Heeey…then you must be Invader Zim of Scumlington!" He reached out and shook Zim's puny hand with his enormous claw. "I've heard a great deal about you!"

Every bone in Zim's hand had been crushed to powder and he asked in a very high voice, looking horror-stricken at his hand, "And…whom might you be?"

Killer Croc bowed before him in a gentleman's fashion. "I am Killer Croc. Some might not realise it at first, but I am quite the rough customer."

"I will take your word for it." Nodded Zim, still unnerved by the monster's stupendous strength and size. "Now then, let us pass, Killer Croc."

Zim tried to pass but Killer Croc blocked him by his claw. "My apologies, Zim, but a toll's a toll and a roll's a roll. And if we don't get no tolls, then we don't eat no rolls…I made that one up."

The Irken frowned, no having enough of this baldercrap. "Right…you have screwed with ZIM, Killer Croc. I am afraid I'm going to have to kill you."

"No problem!" grinned . He turns to behind him and shouts, "Jack Spicer!"

Someone appeared out from the forest from Killer Croc's side of the river. He was a teenage lad with spiky, red hair and a painted on scar under his eye. He wore yellow swirling goggles, a black trench coat, black trousers and black and gold boots. On his back was a backpack which contained a hoverbot that enabled him to take flight. This was obviously Jack Spicer, Killer Croc's associate.

"I got it, I got it." Jack Spicer told him, pulling out a camera and setting it up on a tripod. He was obviously recording the battle.

Manny, Chowder and Gir were watching the events unfolding and Manny spotted something that no one else seemed to be able to. He looked at Gir and told the robot, "Gir, switch to guard mode."

"Yes, sir!" Gir's eyes turned red and he immediately switched to guard mode.

"And Chowder, hold the reins, will ya?" Manny handed the horses' rains to Chowder and marched over to the scene.

As Zim and Killer Croc gets ready to fight, Manny stumbled down into the river itself. The river of course was not as big as one would first imagine. If anything, it was more like a creek.

"Uh excuse me." said Zim as he saw Manny.

"No, excuse me. You don't have to do this, Zim. Look, this ain't exactly the Mississippi river." To prove his point, Manny hopped from side of the river to the other. "I'm on one side." He jumped back to the other. "I'm on the other side. I'm on the east bank, then I'm on the west bank. It's not that critical."

"As true as that may be, it's not the point. It's the principal of the thing." Zim stated proudly. Killer Croc nodded in agreement.

Manny chuckled nervously, "Riiight…nice knowing ya." He climbed out from the creek and went back to observe what he thought was going to be a very bloody site.

Killer Croc cracked both his knuckles and his neck whilst the mechanical spider legs emerged from Zim's backpack. The tips of each leg glowed with pink electricity. Flashing his sharp white teeth, Killer Croc raised his fist up in the air, ready to send it crashing down on Zim's head…

**_ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!_**

Killer Croc screamed as the spider leg tip's merely tapped his chest, sending the electricity surged through his body. The lizard behemoth lost balance and fell off the bridge into the creek below.

Zim laughed in triumph. Killer Croc got up and shook his head before getting onto his legs. As he steadied himself on the bridge, Killer Croc said to his former opponent with now great admiration, "You have bested me, Invader Zim. You are indeed as great and powerful as you are said to be."

Being the egotistical asshole he was, Zim stood proud. "Yes, of course I am. I am ZIM and - Aaagghh!" He screamed in agony as Killer Croc crushed his other hand in another handshake.

"As our Latverian custom dictates, I am now in your debt."

The Irken recovered and held his throbbing stump. "Well…I suppose having an enforcer would be most effective." The two crossed the bridge onto the other side of land.

Manny, now relieved that the "battle" was over, ran over the bridge and joined the two. "You alright, man?"

"Quite so." Zim looked at Killer Croc and motioned to Manny, "Let me introduce you to my associates." He pointed over the bridge to Chowder and Gir. "Those two are Chowder, my blind servant and Gir, my robot sidekick."

Chowder waved to Killer Croc, albeit in the wrong direction due to his blindness. "Hey, how you doing?"

Zim then pointed to Manny. "And this is Manny Rivera, otherwise known as El Tigre."

"Right. Well, let me introduce you to my associate." Killer Croc nodded Jack Spicer, whom was watching nearby and taking down the camera tripod. "His name is Jack Spicer."

Jack Spicer stood with great pride, fully introducing himself, "Jack Spicer, evil boy genius and lord of prince of darkness." He took out his business card briefly before shoving it back into his pocket. "…and Mamma's boy. There I said it!" He finished bitterly.

"But whilst mostly a Mamma's boy…Jack can be very handy with swords."

Zim appeared to be very interested in what this pale teenager could do. "Really? How's about a demonstration?

"Sure thing." Jack took out a bow and arrow from the bushes nearby, then he went up to Zim and gave the set to him. He backs away as he smirks saying, "I want you to fire an arrow square in my chest."

"…are you serious?"

"Absolutely."

Despite questioning Spicer's sanity, Zim just shrugged as she just aimed an arrow right at Jack's chest, telling him, "Okay…goodbye."

The arrow was fired with Zim expecting a bloody end to Jack Spicer. But to his surprise, Jack Spicer screamed like a little girl, took out two swords and cut the arrow into a bunch of pieces like a buzz saw, whilst looking in the opposite direction. Within seconds, all that was left of the arrow itself was nothing more than a pile of sawdust on the ground. Zim and Manny's jaws dropped to the ground.

"…damn." was all Manny could say.

Jack panted, out of breath, put his swords into his pockets...which resulted in his trousers falling down, showing his 'smiley face' underwear. Jack screamed and pulled his trousers back up. "I haven't quite figured that part out yet."

Now that the introductions were over, Killer Croc remembered the previous matter and he spoke to Zim seriously, "I apologize about the toll, Zim. It's Princess Sari. She's taken our homes and everything we own. We've nothing left and there's nothing we can do as she's the monarch."

Zim thought about something carefully and rubbed his chin. He then patted Killer Croc's leg and informed him, "Ah, not to worry, Killer Croc. I for one am planning to cause quite a lot of trouble for the Princess and Sheriff DIB!" He went on to elaborate his plans. "Tonight, Princess Sari will be holding her wild party as she does every other Friday night - sooo unlike Royalty. Anyway, I'll crash their party and first, ask them politely to relax their tyranny. If they say no…then I shall IMpolitely tell them I shall use FORCE!

The others cheered in agreement, including Gir and Chowder, who could hear Zim speaking due to his VERY loud voice. Killer Croc added with a grin, "Very good! We'll join you!"

But Zim was not too enthusiastic on that suggestion. "Whoa, whoa. As much as I appreciated easily disposable assistance, it is best that only I, ZIM, shall go!" explained Zim. "One can get in more easily than six." The others, although personally disagreeing with Zim's decision, accepted it anyway and they muttered in reluctant agreement. "Well, I must be off..." He handed the bow to Manny. "I shall see you all upon my return. Until then, farewell!"

"Take it easy, man." nodded Manny.

Killer Croc patted Zim hard on the shoulder. "Yeah, good luck, Zim."

"See ya." Jack simply said.

Spinning on his heels, Zim dashed over the bridge and over to his mechanical horse. He leaped up into the air to land on him but of course, he only stuck his groin on the horse's mound. Screaming in pain, Zim collapsed to the ground, holding his ground and rolling around.

Manny shook his head as he remarked, "Man, little green men can't jump."

* * *

**(A/N) Okay and that is this chapter done. Oh and by the way, for those of you who do not know...Alchemy is a load of crap. But I am sure that most of you are not stupid enough to believe for one moment that just producing Gold out of all kinds of matter, specifically lead is ridiculous. Creepie just got that bit out of a substance that you could make gold out of. Please read and review!**


	6. Chapter V

**(A/N) Here is Chapter Five. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter V**

That evening, just as Zim had told his comrades, Princess Sari was holding a lively party in the Doomstadt castle as she did every Friday night. It was the highlight of her week and something that really set her apart from her brother. Victor von Doom acted as a traditional European monarch, whilst Sari acted a rich spoiled American teenager, or in other words, Paris Hilton. Yeah, I said it, Paris Hilton. Now these parties had everything - blaring rock music; flashing disco and laser lights; alcohol from foreign countries; drugs ranging from crack to triptocaine, etcetera.

The castle that night was swamped, not with Latverian aristocracy, politicians and businessman like you would expect at a party with the monarch, but with wild Latverian youth (including some young aristocrats) going to an out-of-control prom night. Many arrived outside the castle in their Rolls-Royces and Limousines, a lot of them already drunk or stoned.

* * *

Inside in the castle, the party was underway and the guests were having the time of their lives. They were either dancing or screaming to the rock music; scoffing away at the free food or residing in the corner to get stoned and drunk more.

At the royal table, which was situated at the far end of the castle's Great Hall, Princess Sari and Sheriff Dib were sitting down behind it in their luxurious chairs. Sitting amongst them were Coraline, the rest of Sari's entourage and the small number of young Latverian aristocrats. Also sitting there was a really bored Goth girl with pinkish purple hair who was playing a _Game Slave 2. _She wore a black dress, purple/pink leggings, gray sleeves, a skull necklace, and black shoes. Her name was Gaz Membrane, Dib's younger sister. Princess Sari meanwhile was dressed in the same type of attire as earlier, except it was hot pink instead of orange.

As they sat down, a stereotypical French mime was performing the standard tricks for the Princess as he pretended to climb a rope. Of course, Sari and the rest of the crème de la crème were not impressed in the slightest.

Dib noticed Sari yawning and decided he had enough as well. He pointed at the mime and yelled to his officers, "Ah, just kill him!"

The National Guard officers were about to do as he ordered as they circled the terrified mime, until Sari spoke up abruptly, "No, wait a minute!" They stopped and looked at her, waiting for further orders. Sari turned to a confused Dib and said, "Dib, you know…a mime is a terrible thing to waste."

Dib thought about that for a brief moment. Then he sighed in defeat as he waved the officers away, reluctantly ordering, "Let him go." The mime bowed and, acted as if he was getting into a car and "drove" off.

Just then, Lady Tak came down the nearby staircase dressed in a silk violet dress, accompanied by Hovis. As they passed by the guests, each of them had to bow before Tak in a show of respect. One man, who drinking a bottle of beer did not notice her, which made the Irken female pause and scowl. "Hovis!" She pointed angrily at the drinking man and yelled, "This commoner has not bowed before me! Destroy him!"

Immediately, Hovis pulled out a gun and without changing his dull expression, shot the startled man in between the eyes. "Very good." Tak and Hovis approached the royal table where Sari was and Dib smirked as he crept up to her.

"Lady Tak…" Sari addressed her and nodded to Dib, who was now standing right next to Tak. "You know our good friend, Dib Membrane, the Sheriff of Doomstadt."

"You look ravishing, my dear. Allow me to help you to your seat." Dib pulled out a chair next to Sari for Tak to sit in, whilst Hovis just stood behind the table in his quiet dignified manner. As she did so, Dib kissed her hand much that she and Gaz recoiled in disgust. Sari just rolled her eyes and popped open another can of Red Bull.

Dib looked around at the lively party and said to Tak, whom was sitting stiffly in her chair and not casting a single glance at him, "I must say, Sari really has spared no expense with tonight's party. We have exotic foods from across the seas. We got coconuts, bananas, and dates." He picked up a bowl of dates and held them near Tak saying, "How about a date?"

"Very well then..." sighed Tak as she reached out for a date.

Dib pulled the bowl back as he joked, "How about next Thursday? Hahahaha!" Not a single person around him laughed along but rather just stared at him dully.

Gaz just looked down and shuddered, stating, "Oh, that…that was just terrible!"

_CRASH! _The music scratched to a halt and everyone stopped dancing. The doors to the Great Hall burst open, quickly crushing the two Doombots on guard. As everyone watched in surprise, our short Irken hero came marching into the hall, using his mechanical spider legs from his PAK to carry a dead animal over his head.

Zim grinned smugly as he greeted the crowd, "Good evening, everyone. Sorry I took so long…I had to dispose of the front door guard's corpses."

The crowd gasped in alarm and Dib pointed at the newcomer shakily with his jaw opened wide. He then looked at Sari and Gaz and bleated, "T-t-that's him! You see, Gaz! Sari! That's ZIM!"

"Yes, Dib, we are aware of things that happen around us." Gaz deadpanned, not even looking up at him from her _Game Slave 2._

As the crowd of guests all backed off, creating a small pass way for Zim, the egotistical hero of this story marched down the hall with the dead animal still over his head. The doors closed as the crushed Doombots fell to the floor in pieces.

Zim approached Sari's royal table and addressed her, "Greetings, your highness." He bowed before her. Zim's opinion of Sari was very low, but she was still Latverian royalty so it was his duty as a royal subject to _at least _bow before her like he would to King Doom. His "spider legs" then tossed the dead animal, which appeared to be a dead wild Pig, onto the table in front of the Princess. "A gift for you and you guests.".

"That's a wild bore!" exclaimed Dib, pointing at the dead Pig on the table.

"Correction, slimy Earth boy. That is a wild Pig." Zim corrected Dib, pointed at the pig. He then pointed at Sari, remarking, "THAT is, or is at least acting like, a wild bore."

The guests gasped and made an "Ooooooooo", expecting a violent reaction from their enraged Princess.

Sari scoffed and appeared amused as she replied, slamming her hand on the armrest, "Funny! Very amusing!" She looked at Zim and said, rising and eyebrow, "So you're Invader Zim of Scumlington, am I right?"

He bowed slightly. "Indeed I am."

Tak cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. The name "Zim" rung a few bells in her head. "Wait…Zim? Invader Zim? You mean, you're that little weirdo who used to write me creepy perverted love letters when I was eight-years-old?"

Seeing her for the first time since his arrival, Zim rested one hand on the table and leaned in, asking the Tak, "Well, I am not entirely sure myself. Do you have a name of which I may reference?"

"Lady Tak of Dickthorpe." Tak frowned, crossing her arms.

Zim at last remembered her. "Ah, Lady Tak." He took her hand, infuriating Dib as he did. "Now I remember you. It's been many years. Let me tell you, rumours of your beauty have travelled far and wide, even to the coasts of America - you know, being that I am a war hero. Yet, I see they hardly do you justice." He then kissed her hand long and hard.

Dib shook on the spot like a leaf and Sari watched the scene in amusement. "He is a smoothie." She commented in a sing-song voice. "He's definitely a smoothie."

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" Tak glared at Zim.

"Well, as an Irken female…yes. You definitely should."

The Sheriff had had enough. Dib roared as loud as he could, "ENOUGH!" He shoved his way in between Zim and Tak. "King illegal forest to pigs wild kill in it a is!"

Some of the people snickered at Dib's mispronunciation but of course, some had no idea what he mean, like Zim and Tak. "What?" They all asked.

"…I mean, don't you know it's illegal to kill wild pigs in the king's forest!"

Zim shrugged, taking a date and eating, after rebuking calmly, "But is it not also illegal to sit in the ruling monarch's throne and usurp his powers in his absence?"

Grinding her teeth and nearly ripping up the armrests, Sari did her best to retain her composure. "Careful now, Zim. You're going too far…"

Zim crossed his arms and informed her sternly, "I've only just begun. I am here to politely ask you to stop levying these heavy taxes on the people of Latveria. If you will not comply, then I will be forced to lead the people in insurrection against you!"

Sari narrowed her eyes and asked doubtfully, "And why should the people listen to you?"

"Because unlike some of us here…" The Irken General stated with a smirk on his face. "…my show, although short-lived has its own cult following! For I am ZIM!" Everyone gasped silently and muttered amongst themselves. Zim then picked up a chocolate muffin and held it up threateningly. "And I shall start by cracking your puny heads open with this…this…Pork-cow!"

"That's a stinkin' muffin!" Coraline yelled suddenly from amongst those sat down at the royal table.

"Silence!" Zim yelled and tossed the muffin at Sari's head, which immediately bounced back onto the table.

Sari was now fuming in her seat, foaming spewing out from the corners of her mouth and her eyes twitching. She turned to Dib and hissed vehemently, "To tell you the truth, this little ASSHOLE is getting on my NERVES!"

"Don't worry, your highness. I'll deal with this little E.T. knockoff!" growled Dib, marching around the table to Zim, whom was now drinking wine from a glass. He takes out a glove from behind and slapped Zim across the face with it, making everyone gasp. "I challenge you to a DUEL!"

As Dib laughed pompously, Zim calmly set the wine down. He simply took out a glove and brick from behind his back and slipped said brick into the glove. Whilst Dib was watching in confusion, Zim tossed it up and down in his hands a couple of times before striking the Sheriff across the face with it. The crowd gasped and Gaz sniggered whilst Dib dizzily fell to the floor.

"I accept."

Dib yelled as he held in his face in pain. Pulling himself up to his feet, he glared at his rival. "That is going to cost you, ZIM!"

"Please, put it on my bill." replied Zim smoothly.

"So it comes to this, eh? A fight to the death, mano a mano, alien to human. Just you and me and my…DOOMBOOOOOOTS!"

Dib bolted to one side as Doombots and National Guard officers came running out through the crowd towards the Irken. Zim's "spider legs" shot out and he used them as swords with which to duel with the Doombots and cops. Zim picked up one with them and flung it onto the table, right in front of Sari herself, making the Princess shriek.

The fight continued up to the nearby staircase. Looking above, Zim smirks, seeing that above the robots and officers was one of the many chandelier dangling from the ceiling. Remembering a famous trick, Zim used one of the "spider legs" to slash the rope suspending the chandelier. He stood smugly, expecting the chandelier to crash down on his enemies' heads. However, one of the chandeliers situated above him fell on him instead, sending the injured Zim tumbling down the stairs. The National Guard officers laughed uproarously.

"Funny…that usually works."

Dib laughed in triumph as he popped up from his cowering spot, pointing at his now ensnared enemy. "HA! I've got you now, Zim! I bet you now wish you'd had some of your cronies with yo-"

_Crash!_

"…oh, of-course!" he finished with a frown.

The doors had crashed open, once again smashing more Doombots! The new arrivals were none other than Manny, Chowder, Gir, Killer Croc and Jack Spicer!

Suddenly yelling out again, Coraline stood up from her chair and pointed at the group. "Who are those fags?"

"We…are Zim's Merry Men!" yelled Chowder as they all posed heroically, unaware that most of the people were laughing under their breaths. "Merry Man…attack!" With that, the five charged forward and begun battle with the Doombots and the officers.

Many of the people, including the aristocracy and Sari's entourage, did not want to get caught in the crossfire of the battle, so they fled through the open double doors. Zim, who recovered, joined his comrades in their battle.

Tak was watching Zim from her seat and looking somewhat impressed. Zim used his "spider legs" to gore an officer in the stomach and slice through the Doombots' metal hide's like Swiss cheese.

Meanwhile, Killer Croc easily knocked down his enemies by simply charging forward and swinging his tree trunk sized arms at them. Jack Spicer whipped out a machine gun and opened fire at random, screaming as if he were a US soldier in Vietnam. Manny roared as if he were an actual wild tiger and slashed away at the Doombots and officers manically with his metal claws.

With Zim, he was right in the middle of a one-on-one duel with an officer. Just then, Chowder and Gir came up to his side, the former holding the latter like a bottle of champagne.

"Your drink, sir?" asked Chowder politely as he took out a glass and opened Gir's head to pour actual champagne into the glass.

"Thank you, Chowder. Gir." Zim took the glass and drank it, while he was still duelling the officer.

Gir laughed and closed the top of his head. "Wheee! We're winning, Master!"

"Indeed we are, Gir." Zim finished his champagne and stabbed the officer in the chest. "Well, let us continue."

"Yes, sir." Chowder nodded before pulling his arm back tossing Gir randomly at the guards. Gir clutched onto one of the screaming officer's head and begun yanking on his hair. Chowder meanwhile, continued swinging his sword randomly at his enemies, though due to being blind, missed every single time.

At the royal table, Sari ducked behind the dead pig and yelled at Dib, "Don't you stand there! Save me, save me! Hurt them, them!"

"Okay. Save them, them. Hurt you, hurt you. Got it." Dib said quickly, his eyes focused on the battle and not the princess.

As for Chowder, he was fighting fiercely against his enemy, yelling madly as he did. Unfortunately, that "enemy" was a wooden pole he had mistaken for an officer due to his blindness.

At the royal table, another officer was currently in a stalemate with Zim and forced him against the table surface. Desperately, Zim felt around the fruit bowel for a grapefruit, which he then picked up in his hand.

"How about some desert?" yelled Zim as he rammed the grapefruit into the guard's face, blinding him. This allowed Zim to skewer him with his "spider legs".

"Men, aim…" Zim looked up and saw officers on a balcony with crossbows. "Fire!"

Ducking underneath the table, Zim was protected by the arrows which instead hit the surface. Zim looked up at saw someone else underneath the table with him. "Tak!" He exclaimed her name loud enough to make her jolt and knock her head against the table. "Tell me…do you believe in love at first sight?"

Tak just frowned and barked at him, "Love? Are you completely forgetting about those creepy letters when we were kids? There was an investigation, fingerprints, forensic reports! What are you-"

The two were interrupted as an officer appeared near the table, mumbling to himself, "Where is he?" Zim took a fork and stabbed it into the officer's foot, making him scream and recoil in agony.

With a sigh, Zim turned to Tak, saying, "To be continued..." He got out from under the table and went back into the battle. As Tak watched him leave with a relieved sigh, Hovis appeared under the table next to her.

"Pardon me, milady, but this party is getting quite rough." He said in his dry emotionless voice. "We really should flee."

"Quite. Get me out of here, Hovis!" Tak responded and she and Hovis got up from the table.

Back to Chowder, he was still fighting with the wooden pole, or what was left of it at least, still thinking it was an officer. He was going so fast now that he sounded like a chipmunk. Finally the blind servant ceased to catch his breath, wiping sweat off his forehead.

At the top of the staircase, Zim was still duelling his enemies, unaware that an officer was about to fire a crossbow at him. Thankfully, Jack Spicer saw him and with his typical girlish shriek he tossed his swords at the officer, pinning him to a wall. As the enemy struggled, Jack Spicer strolled over and nervously held a bottle above his head before smashing it on the officer's, knocking him out. Jack Spicer took the swords back and allowed the man to fall to the ground.

"Note to self…make up a name for that move and trademark it." He said to himself.

Sheriff Dib, seeing that most of the Doombots had been destroyed and his men were being thrashed, quickly took action. He stood up and screamed, "Don't let them get away! Surround the hall!"

"Now you're talking." Sari was now hiding beneath the table.

During this whole time, Gaz was still playing on her _Game Slave 2._ "About time." She commented, before sipping her drink.

The officers closed the double door entrance and used a large plank to lock it. blocking that way out. Zim and his Merry Men looked concerned, while Tak frowned. "Oh, well, there goes my escape."

Suddenly from on top the staircases and every exit of the Great Hall, Mega Doombots, much larger Doombots with black plating came storming in.

Unfortunately for Sari, they made a hell of a lot of noise. The princess covered his ears and seethed "This better be worth the noise!"

Zim, whom was still on the stairs, looked down at his comrades who were surrounded by the officers and Mega Doombots. They were in a tight spot now. Seeing a rope, an idea came to mind and he grabbed.

"We got them." grinned Dib. At last, victory would be his.

"We got them." Sari rubbed her hands deviously.

Zim stood up, holding the rope. He did not see an Exit sign behind him as he proclaimed, "Ah-ha. The right rope." Swinging down to the ground floor, Zim kicked down a Mega Doombot when he landed. That Mega Doombot fell towards another, knocking it down and starting a chain reaction. The Mega Doombots soon began to fall like dominoes. It was a pretty cool sight, going passed the tables, up and down the stairs and finally stopped at the point where it began.

The heroes cheered in victory. They had kicked some major fucking ass!

Sari crawled back up to her throne and bawled in a temper tantrum, "I don't believe this! We went from royalty to recycling!"

As the remaining officers advanced upon Zim's group, the Irken General turned to Killer Croc, saying, "Killer Croc, could you get the door?"

"Yeah, I'll try." Killer Croc went to the door an began lifting the giant wooden plank.

With a grin, Zim turned to his foes and bid them farewell. "It's been a wonderful party, and we'd love to stay and all that…but I'm afraid we really must dash. Hope you got the message, Princess, so-toodles! "

Zim and his friends ducked just in time as Killer Croc lugged the plank at the National Guard officers, knocking them out cold.

As his friends opened the doors and made their leave, Zim saw Tak and blew a kiss to her, which Hovis grabbed in midair.

"Thank you, Hovis." Tak said to her butler, shuddering at the thought of receiving a kiss from Zim.

The heroes, smiling in triumph, slammed the door behind them. Dib's lower lip quivered before slamming his head and banging his fist against the table.

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**(A/N) Hope you enjoyed it. Please read and review!**


	7. Chapter VI

**Here is chapter six. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter VI**

After escaping Doomstadt castle, our heroes fled to Doomstadt forest, the large forest surrounding the capital. Due to its enormous size and tangling trees and plant life, it would make it rather difficult for Dib and his henchmen to catch them. Therefore, the forest served as the ideal base of operations for Zim and his Merry Men.

A while later that night, after having rested from the events at the castle, Zim stepped up onto a platform in front of a crowd of people in the forest. Standing there as well where his highest ranking Merry Men - Manny, Chowder, Killer Croc, Jack Spicer and Gir.

Killer Croc patted his big green claw on Zim's small shoulder. "I sent word that each town and village should send the very best men they have." He motioned to the crowd before them. "There are them."

Upon expecting the men however, Zim was less than impressed. The men looked like the stereotype of most European peasants; weak-bodied, pale and dirty.

Zim rubbed his chin and whispered out the corner of his mouth to his comrades, "We're in deep shit, me thinks." But deciding to make the best of it, Zim stood in front of the crowd, cleared his throat and addressed the crowd, "Good people, who have travelled from villages near and far…lend me your ears."

So the crowd did. They pulled off each of their own ears and tossed them at Zim, who stood yet retched as some of the ears bounced off him.

"That…that is the most disgusting…." Zim did not finish and just shuddered. He snapped his fingers and Gir dusted the ears off of him. "Listen well, everyone. The likes of Princess Sari and Dib must be stopped."

"Yeah…" chattered the crowd in agreement, though not sounding all too enthusiastic.

Zim puffed out his chest and continued his improvised speech. "They must be stopped from taxing us into destitution! They must be stopped from taking what is ours!

The crowd cheered again, sounding slightly more enthusiastic this time.

"If we stand up to them all together as one powerful force, we can win the day and pry Latveria from Sari's vice grip!"

Now empowered by Zim's actually good speech, the crowd of villagers cheered for a third time but with greater gusto.

'_Now I got them.' _The Irken General thought to himself. He put his hands on his hips, thrusted his chin forward and anchored his legs in a straight manner on the platform as if he was a statue that has been bolted down. "We are Latverians! The one true master race! We stood up to America and spat them straight in their swinish faces! We can do the same to the spoiled brat currently sitting in our beloved tyrant, Victor von Doom's throne! We shall unite to destroy this corrupt monarch and it shall all start here in this forest! Today Doomstadt Forest is ours, tomorrow Latveria and next week, _**THE WHOLE WORLD!"**_

When at last Zim was done, he was panting and sweating. Unfortunately, all he got from the villagers was a silent ovation. That and some snoring as they had all fallen asleep!

Chowder sniffed happily. "That was beautiful…what's happening?"

"They fell asleep." Manny frowned dryly and with a sigh, he walked up next to Zim and patted his shoulder. "Not going to well, huh? Personally, I don't think stealing Adolf Hitler's line helped that much."

"Yeah, you might have a genuine point there." sighed Zim in disappointment. It seemed that the villagers were unlikely to rally behind him and his Merry Men now. How were they to persuade them?

Manny tapped his chin with metal claws before snapping them and smirking to his friend, "How about you let me talk to him? I know how to work a crowd."

"Go ahead." Zim shrugged. It was worth a shot.

Manny cleared his throat and dusted himself off. It was showtime. "Look at yourselves!" He addressed the crowd, making them wake up in alarm. "Now go on, take a good look around!" The crowd did so as they looked around. "Ahh, people of Latveria, you have been had."

"Yeah." said the crowd getting all rattled up.

"Hoodwinked!"

"Yeah!" yelled the crowd more loudly now.

"Bamboozled!" Manny piped.

"Yeah!"

"Smeckledorfed!"

"…yeah?"

El Tigre shook his fist in the air and yelled, "We didn't land on Doomstadt Forest! Doomstadt Forest landed on us!"

"Fuck yeah!"

Clapping his hands together and strolled to the back of the platform, patting Zim on his shoulder. "I got them all warmed up for ya."

"Thanks." Zim turned to the crowd, roaring to the now rallied crowd, "El Tigre is right! So like I said before, let's fight back!" The crowds shot their fists into the air. "Will you join my force known as the Merry Men? Ja or Nein?"

They were about to say something but stopped, looking rather confused. "Um, which one means 'yes' again?"

"…Ja."

"JAAA!"

* * *

The next day, by a large lake in the forest, the Merry Men trainees were waiting in a line to receive their uniforms and equipment. Zim was reading a checklist as he stood on a tree stump, barking through a megaphone to his recruits. "Men, grab your uniforms and equipment and prepare for the training sequence."

"All right, gentlemen…grab your purple jumpsuits, shotguns, PAKs, boots, swords, pantyhose and any choice of Happy Meal kids toy!" said Chowder gleefully as the recruits passed by the table containing the equipment and uniforms. The uniforms were as Chowder said, modelled after Zim's trademark purple outfit. To be honest…yeah, it made them look super gay.

* * *

Later on, with the men dressed in their uniforms and fully equipped, Zim had lead them to a skeet range for the recruits' first training exercise.

"Now, men, the object of this exercise is to hit the target as it is shot into the air." Zim pressed his foot down on a pedal and a large disc with a bull's-eye on it was launched into the air. He held up his shotgun and blasted the disc in mid-air, destroying it. The recruits looked amazed. Zim turned back to them and leaned against his gun. "Now it is your turn, men."

The recruits held up their guns, ready to fire and when the discs were released, one of the following of three happened to each guy; he just missed, he totally missed or the gun exploded in his hands. Zim just shook his head.

* * *

In the next training exercise, Zim and his high ranking Merry Men were standing on a platform while the Irken himself addresses a handful of recruits were on mechanical horseback.

"Watch carefully, men, as Jack Spicer shows you what to do. Do as he does." Zim then gave a nod to Jack, whom was sitting on horseback in front of the recruits.

Jack Spicer took in a deep breath and prepared himself. "Okay, Jack, here it goes…" He held up a lance and with a shriek, charged his horse towards a line of dummies armed with lances as if they were National Guard officers. As he penetrated through the line, he knocked one dummy over completely, causing his fellow Merry Men to cheer.

"Yeah!" roared Killer Croc, punching his claw into the air.

"Hooraaaay!" Gir applauded, clapping at an incredibly fast rate.

Chowder of course, looked in the wrong direction but still cheered. "Now that's some jousting, right there."

One of the recruits, a young blond lad by the name of Hank Venture smirked at this and looked to his fellow men. "Hey, that looks easy. I bet we could do that as well."

As Jack Spicer came over, Zim told him, "Good work." He looked to the recruits, whom now looked anxious to do their part. "Ready, men?"

The recruits got themselves ready as they glared at their dummy "enemies".

"Go!"

The recruits yelled as they charged at the dummies with their own lances at a great speed. Unfortunately, when they reached the line, they only succeeded in getting knocked off by the dummies' lances.

Zim grabbed his own head in frustration and began stomping his foot repeatedly, cursing violently under his breath.

Manny sighed, leaning on his gun and remarked to Zim, "Damn it, Zim, maybe we should take the dummies into battle."

"Ha!" snapped Zim sarcastically. He then paused and thought about this. That may actually work...

* * *

Despite the training not going as smooth as Zim wanted, the Merry Men soon pulled their act together and gradually improved. By week's end, the Merry Men were all trained to properly use weapons to some degree. Therefore, Zim's force was soon capable of actually posing a threat to Princess Sari, Sheriff Dib and the National Guard. They had made names for themselves amongst the populous, most of whom supported them but with a good number still swearing their allegiance to Princess Sari. But whether people liked them or not, Zim and his Merry Men had successfully stirred unease in the country of Latveria, much to the growing anger of the Princess.

In fact, let's go check-up on our tyrants right now. Inside the Doomstadt castle, Sheriff Dib clambered down the spiral staircase and marched down one of the hall's until he reached a door that lead into the sauna room. He went inside and at first recoiled at the intense heat and steam.

Dib looked around through the steam to see Princess Sari laying on her front on a nearby table. She was wearing only a white bathrobe and as she lay there, a woman was slowly walking and down on the Princess' back in a massage.

"Princess Sari, I must speak with you." Dib said, approaching the table.

Sari laid there relaxed with her eyes closed and moaned out the corner of her mouth, "Fuck off, Dib. I'm trying t-ooooo-!" She cringed in pain and Dib heard popping coming from her back, specifically her spine. "…relax."

"Uh, okay." said Dib uneasily, but decided he had to get to point. "But your Highness, I have some very important, although bad news. Struckim has Zed again!"

Sari just looked at him dumbfounded for a moment. "…what the hell did you just say?"

Realizing his error, Dib corrected himself, "I mean Zim has struck again."

"Oh, Christ…" Sari moaned, closing her eyes and cringing at the sounds of popping as the women continued to walk over her back. "So what did he do this time?"

"He and his Merry Men attacked a government building; killed all people inside and set it on fire!" Dib explained, waving his arms frantically in the air. "It's terrorism, homicide and arson all in one!"

The Princess reached up her hand and rubbed her tired head, muttering to herself, "Ugh…Robin Hood, eat your heart out - Aggh!" Sari looked up furiously at the woman who was walking on her back. "Monique, I swear to God, if you break my back, I'm gonna make orphans of your children!"

"I-I'm sorry!"

Sari turned her attention back to Dib. "You see what I have to deal with here?" She sighed sadly, slamming her chin back onto the table. "Oh…I'm so depressed."

Dib got down on his knee beside the table and whispered into her ear, "Your Highness, if you come with me, I'll show something that will really pick your spirits up. We have a new deadly weapon that will be of help in fighting Zim."

"Fine. Just let me fini-"

CRACK!

The Princess threw her head back and screamed as loud as she possibly could, making Dib jump back and land on his back. Monique had suddenly stopped in place and looked down sadly.

"I'm so gonna lose my head for this…"

* * *

A short while later, after Monique's head was cut off and put on a pike, the Sheriff of Doomstadt took the Princess and Coraline into the courtyard of the castle. Sari was now dressed in her blue royal robes. Dib was now showing her this "new deadly weapon" for fighting Zim.

Sari did not look at all impressed. "Is that a…?"

"Our newest weapon of destruction. We called it the Stealth Catapult!" Dib grinned maliciously, strumming his fingers together. "Our scientists have been working on it secretly for months."

Coraline's upper lip was twitching. "Are you…are you completely stupid?"

Ignoring her, Dib just continued proudly, getting into the pod in which the boulders were placed, "It's really impressive. It can hurl one of these heavy boulders undetected over yards, completely destroying anything it hits."

Instead of exploding in utter fury, Sari put on a fake smile and asked, "So how does it work?"

"It's quite simple. Take a heavy rock. Put it where I'm sitting. Then pull that lever." He finished pointing at the lever that was attached to the side of the catapult.

"Oh…you must mean like THIS!" Sari now scowled furiously and he pulls the lever. This resulted in the catapult being launching Dib high into the air screaming and heading towards on particular tower…

* * *

In this tower, Creepie was kneeling in front of her bed praying to the lord above. He prays, "Okay God, I don't like you and I'm pretty sure due to the things I've done you don't particularly like me either. But if you could just send me a true love, then..."

CRASH! Suddenly, the ceiling above her bed broke open and Dib came falling in right onto the bed. He lay there outstretched on his bed and groaning in agony.

Creepie, upon seeing this, looked up and exclaimed, "Thanks, you're a doll!"

Dib got up and after getting up, he gasped in horror upon realising whose bed he had landed in. He was even more terrified at seeing who was approaching him with hearts in her eyes.

"There you are! Come here, baby!" screamed Creepie happily as she pounced on the boy and well, uh…BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! Dib tries to escape, but Creepie held his shoulders. "Let me work my magic on you! "Kiss me, hit me! Touch me!"

"AAAGGGHHH! NO! NOOO!" yelled Dib as he got free from Creepie's grip, got off the bed and ran out of the room, screaming in fear. "I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADUUUULT!"

"Hey, come back!" screamed Creepie shocked and really upset. She began crying and repeatedly punched the bed mattress in a tantrum. "I LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU!"

* * *

**(A/N) Please do Read and Review!**


	8. Chapter VII

**(A/N) Here is the next chapter. Hope you like it.**

* * *

**Chapter VII**

The next day in Doomstadt Forest, a carriage led by a mule was moving one of the forests openings. The carriage was carrying a few barrels of sacramental wine. At the reins was an old rabbi dressed in the appropriate attire and who sported a large grey beard. His name was Hyman Krustofski, Latveria's only rabbi.

He looks at his mule in disappointment as he remarked, "I don't like the way you're walking. You've been into the sacramental wine again. You're fahsnickered! You drunken mule you." He saw something up ahead and pulled on the reins, commanding his mule to stop. "Whoa, Morris, whoa."

Up ahead, his path was blocked by a large group of men dressed in purple. It was the Merry Men and their leader, Zim, stood on a rock and addressed the rabbi.

"Halt there, friend. You've just entered the territory of Zim and his Merry Men."

Rabbi Krustofski looked at Zim and his allies puzzled. He waved a hand in front of him in a certain way as he asked, "Feygeles?"

The Merry Men instantly shook their heads and waved their hands in a series of "no, no, no"s. None of them were what the rabbi was suggesting and if they were…let's just say, Latveria did not take kindly to that type of people.

"No, no, no, we're straight. Just merry." Zim reassured him.

Gir jumped up and down, screaming ecstatically, "We're a terrorist organisation!"

"I see." said Rabbi Krustofski in understanding. He looked at Zim as asked "And who might you be with the big pink eyes and exceptionally long antennas?"

"I am Invader Zim of Scumlington." said Zim as he bowed in respect.

Rabbi Krustofski's eyes widened and smiled as he recognized him. "Zim of Scumlington? This is incredible! I just came from Lady Tak of Dickthorpe, the lady who you apparently have the eyes for. You prince of thieves you." smirked Rabbi Krustofski as he smirks. As Zim can down from the rock, Rabbi Krustofski sighed downcast as he continued, "I knew her parents before they were taken in the plague. You know, you and Tak were meant for each other. Scumlington and Dickthorpe. It's a combination you can't miss."

"I see. So who are you, good sir?"

"My name is Rabbi Krustofski. I am a purveyor of sacramental wine, red and white, and the best mohel in Europe." The rabbit introduced himself properly with great pride.

"Hey, rabbi." said the some of the Merry Men in unison.

"Hello, boys." said Rabbi Krustofski as he waved.

Zim rubbed his chin and queried the rabbi, "Mohel? I don't believe I've ever heard of that particular profession. Care to explain?"

"It's a very important job. He makes circumcisions."

Jack Spicer raised his eyebrow. "What, pray tell, rabbi, IS a circumcision?"

Rabbi Krustofski told them with a grin, "It's the latest rage. The ladies, they just love it."

"Well, I'm interested." Jack Spicer nodded, crossing his arms.

Killer Croc said, chuckling, "I think I'll take two."

"Put me down for one." Manny agreed immediately.

Zim, never wanting to be the odd one out because in truth he's a pussy, replied to the rabbi, "I'm game, rabbit. How is it done?"

"Allow me to show you." said Rabbi Krustofski. He took out a small guillotine. "I take my little machine. I take your little thing. See?" He pulled out a carrot and stuck it in the hole of the guillotine. "I put it into this little hole here…" Rabbi Krustofski pushed a button which resulted in the blade falling down and cutting the carrot in half. "…and I nip it!"

The Merry Men cringed in realization and horror, grabbing their crotches.

"So who wants to be first?" asked Rabbi Krustofski looking around at the group.

Killer Croc shook his head. "Um, no thank you. I've changed my head." The rest of the Merry Men shook their heads and muttered in agreement.

"Question..." Chowder raised his hand but Manny shoved it back down.

Rabbi Krustofski sighs in defeat as he said, "I really gotta work on a much younger crowd.

Zim, deciding to move on with the conversation, said to the rabbi, "Rabbi Krustofski, you seem to be on the side of Latveria's best interests. Say you join us and share your wisdom, counsel and perhaps some of that wine of yours?" The other Merry Men grinned and chattered in agreement.

Rabbi Krustofski shrugged as he informed then, "Well I can give you wisdom and council, sure. But the wine is a different matter as it's sacramental. It can only be used to bless things, you know?"

Although disappointed, the Merry Men perfectly understood and mumbled in agreement.

Rabbi Krustofski observed their disappointed faces then an idea came to mind. "Wait a minute! There's things here. Trees, rocks, birds, squirrels. Come on! We can bless them all until we get fahsnickered! Join me!"

The Merry Men punched their fists into the air and cheered. "Let's hear it for the rabbi!" cheered Zim happily. As they all yelled and hooted in excitement, Rabbi Krustofski began to pass down the barrels of wine to them. And boy did they get HAMMERED!

* * *

The Sherriff of Doomstadt was in a rut. Zim's terrorist organisation was growing both in support and size and as time went on, their attacks on the current regime were becoming more and more aggressive. Dib's methods of subduing this movement so far proved ineffective, so Princess Sari ordered him to contact international aid. With that order, Dib knew only one foreign ally that could effectively deal with the Zim problem.

That night, inside Dib's office, which was one of the rooms in the castle, Dib was holding a meeting with this foreign ally. He was sitting down behind his desk and looked forward at his ally and the latter's two cronies.

Dib's foreign ally was actually a fat white American boy. He wore a dark blue pinstripe suit with a teal and yellow hat atop his head and was as corpulent as a Minnesota winter was cold. On his left arm he wore a red armband with a swastika on it. This was Eric Cartman, the totalitarian Nazi dictator of South Park. In his arms he was holding a thin grey cat Cartman named "Mr. Kitty".

South Park was a town in Colorado, America which a few years ago succeeded from the United States. The new city-state immediately came under the rule of this malevolent little fat asshole, who established a Neo-Nazi regime he humbly dubbed, "The Fourth Reich".

"Good evening, Fuehrer Cartman." Dib greeted the American dictator.

Cartman rubbed his forehead and nestled himself in his leather chair. "Yes, well, I am sure I grace you with my presence."

"Yes, it was very good of you to come at such short notice. All the way from South Park."

"It was quite a flight." Cartman shrugged but went on, "I saw that movie Wolverine on the flight over along with My Sister's Keeper, you know that movie about a girl dying of cancer. Land of the Lost? Dude, WAY more depressing."

Dib glanced irritably at the two other people in the room. One of them was sitting in a chair next to Cartman and the other to the left by a bookcase. "But you do know that Prince Sari stated specifically for this to be a secret meeting?" He pointed at the two. "I mean, who ARE this dicks?"

"Hey, dude, these are my top henchmen." Cartman said defensively. He pointed to the person on his right, "On my right is my body guard, Kenneh McCormick."

Kenny McCormick was a boy whose appearance was completely disguised by his orange parka, leaving only his eyes visible. On his left arm he wore the swastika armband. He reached out his right arm and flattened out his palm in a salute as his boss pointed to him.

"And on my left is my advisor, Butters Stotch." said Cartman pointing to his left. Butters was a white American boy with a wafty tuft of blond hair atop his head and wearing an aquamarine jacket. Like his fellow South Parkinites, he was wearing the swastika armband. He stood up as Cartman said, "Now..."

"My good sir, we thank you for inviting us to your Kingdom." said Butters in a cute southern accent. He stammered and then outstretched his arms with his palm flat, yelling loudly, "Heil Cartman!"

Cartman scowled at Butters and snapped, "Dude, shut up! We didn't even have our meeting yet!"

Realising his mistake, Butters said, "Oh." He sat back down.

Rubbing his temples, Cartman turned back to Dib and got down to business. "All right, I understand you're being terrorized by this fag, Invader Zim. You want him rubbed out, eliminated, obliterated and maybe even killed."

Dib nodded, "Yes, you put in succinctly."

"Suck what?"

"No, I said 'succinctly'. It means perfectly."

"Oh yeah…I knew that." Defended the Neo-Nazi dictator. He grabbed some nuts from the bowl on Dib's desk nearby and cracked them open loudly.

Dib noticed something and told the pint-sized Fuehrer, "Um, Cartman…you're cat?"

Cartman looked down to see Mr. Kitty raising its leg and pissing onto the floor. He yelled angrily and recoiled, trying to avoid getting pissed on himself. "UGGH! AGGH! No, Mr. Kitty! That's a bad, BAD Mr. Kitty! Kenneh!"

Kenny came over, grabbed Mr. Kitty and tossed it across the room. Dib watched in horror and shock as Kenny ran over to the cat and began stomping it to death.

"DUDE!"

Cartman shook his head and sighed exasperatedly, "Normally, I would be so happy to help you out, but there is something that's really been pissing me off." He crossed his arms and pouted. "In the years that we've been allies, Latveria and South Park, you've never invited me once to your place for coffee and cake. Hell, not even ganool."

"Gan-what?" asked Dib confused.

"I shaid 'ganool'." Cartman explained, but this time his words began distorted as if he had a lisp. "It'sh thish pashtry with shtuffing. It'sh got shprinkles all over it. Mmmm, it ish sho good..."

Dib watched blankly for a moment before he interrupted, saying, "I'm sorry…I don't understand a word you're saying."

Cartman reached into his mouth, saying, "Shorry, I jusht came back from the dentisht." He took out two cotton balls from his mouth. He continued speaking normally, "They left in the cotton balls."

In disgust, he handed them over to Butters. The blond boy sighed as he took them saying, "I will take these cotton balls from you with my hand, even though I am disgusted to do so, and put them in my pocket, sir." With that, Butters put the cotton balls into his pockets.

"Yeah, whatever…thanks."

Dib took a glance over at Kenny and asked Cartman confused, "Hey, you know, your body guard doesn't talk much, does you?"

"Kenneh doesn't talk at all."

The Sherriff raised an eyebrow. "Why is that?"

Cartman grinned evilly and snickered, "Oh, well, one, we broke the zipper of his parka and two, I had his tongue ripped out of his mouth."

"Dear sweet God! Why?"

"Eh, I got bored persecuting Jews, black and Mexicans one day and so I got my SS to hold him down and rip out his tongue with pliers." Cartman told the story nonchalantly, rolling his eyes.

Dib looked like he was about to be sick, but realized that they had strayed too far from the point of the meeting. "Okay…getting back to matter-at-hand…what shall you do about Zim?"

The Fuehrer paused to think for a moment before an idea struck and he snapped his fingers. "Look, I've got an idea. You're going to have you're annual Latverian festival tomorrow, correct?"

"Yes." The annual Latverian festival was just a festival held every year for games and feasting. Just a little something to entertain the peasants.

"The most important event will be the javelin contest. The Irken won't be able to resist."

"Oh really? Why's that?"

"We will make him an offer he can't refuse." Butters said interrupting his Fuehrer before he could speak.

Glaring angrily at his advisor, Cartman snapped, "I was just about to say that!" He grabbed a handful of nuts and tossed them at Butters, who flinched.

His glasses flashing, Dib gasped, "That's brilliant!"

"I know."

Dib then realised something and frowned. "But…"

"What?" asked Cartman.

"Zim has played javelin for the Latveria in the Olympics and won gold three times in a row."

The Fuehrer shook and his head and laughed. "Don't you get it? Butters here may be a total fag, but javelin is one thing he is unstoppable at. Show him your javelin medals, Butters." Butters stood up and opened up his jacket to reveal hundreds of medal hung up on the inside. "Ta-da!"

Dib was astounded. "WOW-WEE!" He nearly jumped from his seat.

"See? I dude ya!" exclaimed Cartman in triumph. "The plan is this, Butters will kick Zim's little green ass at the javelin. And when he is distracted, Kenneh will make Zim no more.

In response to this, Kenny pulled out a large rifle from behind his back and cocked it.

"No more?" Dib still did not get it.

The American Fuehrer muttered angrily under his breath before hissing, "What? You want it in plain English? Fine! Zim gonna be dead! D-E-D…" He and Dib picked up metal cups and clinked them together as he finished, "…dead."

The dastardly villains began to laugh sinisterly. Kenny tried to laugh but only ended up giving a muffled cough beneath his parks. Cartman pointed at him and cackled, "Look at that financially poor piece of crap, trying to laugh." He then imitated how Kenny was laughing, making Dib and Butters laugh uproariously.

* * *

What the villains did not know was that they were talking loud enough to be heard from a good distance away. At the balcony just above the open window of Dib's office, our female protagonist was listening closely to every word being said.

Lady Tak laughed a bit, leaning against the balcony. "Heh, heh, heh…dead. I get it. Heh, heh, heh…" Her eyes widened upon realising the severity of the situation. "H-hey, wait a minute…aww, CRAP!"

Tak rushed into her room. As she came in, she clapped her hands which turned the lights on. She went over to a bed where Hovis was sleeping and yelled loud enough to wake him, "Hovis! Wake up!"

The butler's eyes opened and he rose slightly, rubbing his eyes. "What seems to be the trouble, milady?"

"We have a problem." Take informed him urgently. "Princess Sari and Dib have hired men to kill Zim!"

"But milady, why would that be of concern to you? Hovis asked sceptically, raising one eyebrow. "After all, you have made it quite clear that you have no interest in him."

Tak slapped her forehead and explained annoyed, "I know that, but that's not the reason. Yeah, I hate Zim beyond all reason, but I hate Sari considerably more! And as ridiculous as it sounds, Zim's terrorist group seems to be the only force with the potential to actually overthrow her. Therefore, we need Zim alive. It's all about Latveria, not that egotistical, chauvinistic, royal…PRICK!" She finished as she shook in place and balled her fists, looking as if her head was about to blow.

Hovis sat up on his bed. "Alright, milady, forgive my assumption. However, if we are to warn him, we must be careful. We might be spotted by one of the Princess' Doombots."

"You're right, Hovis. Let's take the back." said Tak quickly as Hovis got out of his bed. The two put on their nightgowns she and headed to the balcony window. When they arrived, Tak took out a remote and tapped a few of the buttons.

Down below, a mechanical horse came trotting out from the darkness and stopped right under the balcony. Take and Hovis climbed over the edge of the balcony. They then jumped down and landed on the horse's back, yelling in pain as they did.

"Aww, GOD!" Tak whined, grasping her lower back in pain. The hard saddle of a mechanical horse was enough to bust your ass.

"We really must consider using a natural horse, milady." Hovis bit his lip and grimaced in pain.

With that, Tak cracked the reins and the mechanical horse took off. With each gallop, both Tak and Hovis grunted and groaned in pain.

* * *

**(A/N) Oh and for those OFFENDED by the Nazi references...if you wanted a watered down, "kid-friendly" parody/fanmake, well, that's what you have Jussonic for. Read and Review.**


	9. Chapter VIII

**Chapter VIII**

In Doomstadt Forest, Invader Zim was riding on his mechanical horse through his men's territory, continuing his nightly routine of patrolling the borders. When he passed by the watchtower, Zim looked up to see Chowder up there, putting his hand above his eyes and looking left and right.

Zim looked up and beckoned to his servant, "Chowder, what are you doing up there?"

"Guessing…" Chowder answered, sounding confused. "I…guess no one is coming."

The Irken just closed his eyes and shook his head. "Get down from there." As he rode off, he mumbled, "Twat."

Chowder began fumbling around, "Okay, I'm sure there's a ladder around here somewhere. Now where is it?" He reached around and grabbed the nearby ladder. "Oh, there you are."

The blind boy to crawl under the top gate in order to get to said ladder. However, as he did so, he unknowingly knocked the ladder down to the ground by mistake. He stood up and reached for it, only to unfortunately fall crashing to the ground.

"Aww, Crap!"

Crash!

* * *

Not too far off, at a line of portable toilets or "porta-potties", Killer Croc and Jack Spicer stepped out, having just dressed themselves in their purple uniforms and tights.

"These tights are hard to get on." Killer Croc told Jack as he adjusted his tights.

"I can't argue with ya there." Jack admitted but then stated proudly, "But hey, we can't deny it; you've gotta be a MAN to wear tights!"

Killer Croc nodded. "Amen, brother!"

Jack put a hand to his ear. "And I think I hear a musical number coming on!"

The two high-fived and right on cue, a musical number began. Manny, Chowder, Gir and a large group of Merry Men appeared out of nowhere and the number began.

"**We're Dudes**

**We're Dudes in tights**

**We roam around the forest**

**Looking for fights"**

Chowder threw a punch and almost hit Manny. He fell but Jack Spicer grabbed him and held him up in time.

"_**We're Dudes**_

_**We're Dudes in tiiiights**_

_**We rob from the rich and give to the poor**_

_**That's right!**_

_**We may look like sissies**_

_**But watch what you say**_

_**Or else we'll put out your lights!"**_

The Merry Men threw punches into the air. However, Chowder punched to far to his side, socking Jack in the face.

"_**We're Dudes**_

_**We're Dudes in tights**_

_**Always on guard**_

_**Defending the people's rights!"**_

What they did next robbed them of all masculinity. They all got in a line and started dancing Burlesque, complete with singing the Can-Can song. When they finished, the men dropped to their knees and continued singing.

"_**We're Dudes**_

_**Manly Dudes!**_

_**We're Dudes in tights **_

_**Yes!**_

_**We roam around the forest**_

_**Looking for fights**_

_**We're Dudes**_

_**We're Dudes in tights**_

_**We rob from the rich and give to the poor**_

_**T**__**hat's right!**_

_**We may look like faaaags**_

_**But don't get us wrong**_

_**Or else we'll put out your lights!**_

They threw fake punches once more and for the second time, Chowder unwittingly socked someone. This time it was Killer Croc in the stomach.

_**We're Dudes**_

_**We're Dudes in tights,"**_

**"**_**Tight tights!" **_They sang in high voices.

**"**_**Always on guardDefending the people's rights**_

_**When you're in a fixJust call for the Dudes in tights**_

_**We're butch!"**_

When they finished, the Merry Men posed to flex their muscles, trying in vein to regain their masculinity.

* * *

Some time later, Gir spotted riders approaching their territory. The heroes took precautions in case it was trouble. For example, some of them were wearing TNT around their chests and…okay, that joke is in bad taste. Luckily though, the riders were identified immediately so plans for attack were halted and the riders were welcomed into the base. Zim of course was glad to see who one of the riders was.

"Tak!" said Zim surprised as he helped the one he loved and Hovis off their mechanical horse. He smirked slyly, cocking an eyebrow and placing hands on his sides. "Ah, I see you have come to me, like a bird crawling on its belly."

Tak frowned and replied venomously, "Birds don't crawl, you idiot!"

"They've been known to."

Growling and balling her fists in frustration, Tak told the arrogant buffoon, "Look, Zim, I've just come to warn you. Princess Sari and Dib have hired American Nazis to kill you at the festival tomorrow. You must not go."

Zim thought about this and shrugged, "Well, that's easy. I won't."

"Good." Tak said somewhat in relief and continued to elaborate, "I need you alive to overthrow Sari, Zim. Her buffoons were going to lure you there with a javelin contest."

Hearing that caught Zim's interest. "A javelin contest, eh?" He stroked his chin.

"Yes, their man is said to be unbeatable." Hovis nodded in confirmation.

Zim grinned and rubbed his tiny hands together. "Oh reeeaaally?"

Tak scowled and snapped, pointing at him, "Heeey, I know that look! Zim, promise me here and now that you will not go!"

"Alright, I promise you won't go."

"Very good then." said Tak, who immediately looked confused at what just happened.

Manny blinked a few times before speaking to Zim, "Hey, wait a minute, you said…"

"Cool it." hissed Zim out the corner of his mouth as he took Tak's hand and kissed it.

"Fine. I'm chilled."

Seeing Hovis harrumph, Zim took Tak's hand and lead her off of the scene so they could go somewhere more private. "Come, Tak. Let us leave these nobodies."

Gir seemed to be the only one hurt by that remark as he said, watching his master leave with oil-eyes. "Words hurt, ya know…"

* * *

The story's "hero" took his "love" to the forest lake, on which the full moon's reflection could be seen. This was the perfect romantic spot…if there was actually any real romance between these two.

"Tak, the night is young and you are so beautiful." Zim told Tak, making her want to wretch.

"Oh, don't you even dare-"

Zim turned to off-screen and said, "B-flat, please."

Within an instant, Zim started seeing in a deep, masculine and overall completely different voice, making Tak jump and shriek in shock.

"_**The niiight is young**_

_**And you're so beautiful**_

_**Here among the shadows**_

_**Beautiful lady**_

_**Open your heart"**_

The two were behind a curtain. Hank Venture came in and saw silhouettes of them. More and more Merry Men came to watch, especially as they spotted something VERY long sticking out from Zim. It was his rifle but like the machismo idiots they were, they believed it to be something else. As almost everyone came to watch, Zim continued to sing like the chauvinistic dick cheese that he was.

"_**The scene is set**_

_**The breezes sing of it**_

_**Can't you getInto the swing of it?**_

_**Laaady**_

_**When do we staaart?"**_

Some of the crowd, including Dean Venture were eating some popcorn and marshmallows on sticks, giving them dinner and a show. Manny, Chowder, Gir, Jack Spicer and Killer Croc stood up in a row and began to sing like a chorus background.

"_**When the lady is kissable"**_

"_**Oooh" **_sung the chorus.

"_**And the evening is cool**_

The chorus chimed, **"**_**Oooh"**_

"_**Any dream is permissible**_

_**In the heart of a foooool!"**_

"_**Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh!"**_

Zim pointed up in the air and begun singing with more passion, **"**_**The moon is high**_

_**And you're so glamorous**_

_**And if I seem over-amorous**_

_**Laaady!"**_

"_**Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh!"**_

"_**What can I dooooooooo?"**_

The Irken now grabbed Tak and pulled her struggling into his arms. He dipped her slightly and sung "do" so loud that wind was howling into her screaming face. She grabbed her antennas in pain, Zim's singing was that bad.

**"_The night is youngAnd we're in love_**

_**Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith…"**_

Behind the curtain, the crowd gasped and cheered as they thought they saw Zim showing off his "fireman."

**"**_**Yooooooooooouuuuuuuuu!"**_

As the song ended, the audience of Merry Men stood up and exploded in applause, all of them impressed by their leader's display of machismo and manliness.

Zim finally realized that they were being watch and pulled the curtain down. The audience and frowned and sighed sadly and seeing Zim's "fireman" was just his rifle.

"Oh, get over it, ya assholes!" Zim retorted angrily as he and Tak marched off the scene.

* * *

The two Irkens arrived at a closed off area away from the Merry Men in the forest. Zim pointed behind them with his thumb, remarking nervously, "Hey…terrorists, what are you gonna do, right? Now…" He leaned in seductively, "I think I'm ready for that kiss me now."

Slap! Tak furiously smashed him across the head. "Will you knock that off? I don't love you, you idiot and I never will! Can't you comprehend that?"

"Aww, but why not?"

"If I want to be married, I want it to be with a rich guy…a dentist, preferably." Tak explained exasperatedly, rubbing her forehead. "You're not rich; you've lost all your family's land; you're a pig; oh and one more thing; you're a TERRORIST!"

He shrugged somewhat in defeat, "Oh, yeah, there is that."

"Not to mention…" Tak drummed her knuckles against the side of her hip, giving off a metal clanking sound. "I am currently wearing a chastity belt. My parents were very religious and all that. If you were to try anything, I can assure you that you would regret it for the rest of your life."

Zim grimaced and covered his crotch. "I know what you mean by that…but what are you gonna do about that when you DO find Mr. Right?"

"Ah, well, as stupid as this sound, it is written on a scroll…" Tak cleared her throat and did her best to remember the exact words. "_"_One day, he who is destined for me shall be endowed with the magical key that will bring an end to my virginity._"_ "

Zim stood there wide-eyed for a moment. "So you're Mr. Right supposedly has a key with him that will unlock your chastity belt?"

"Basically….ah, Hovis." Tak turned her head to see Hovis coming into view, riding on the mechanical horse. "Well Zim, I rather must dash. Remember, keep away from the festival." She went over to the mechanical horse and with the aid of Hovis, climbed onto the saddle.

"Sure thing, see ya." Zim waved her off as she and Hovis trekked off back to Doomstadt castle. "Toodle-oo. Au revoir, auf wiedersehen, ciao. Dasvidaniya!"

After saying his goodbyes, Zim sighed tiredly. He was not going to give on trying to be with Tak. He just had to get passed Tak's female stubborness and that damn chastity belt…

Chapter VIII


	10. Chapter IX

**(A/N) Here is Chapter Nine. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter IX**

The next day, the annual Latverian festival was being held outside Doomstadt castle and both the rich and the poor had come to enjoy themselves. As the festival began and people started to enter, a group of old hags were amongst them. They seemed to have a bit of trouble walking.

"Okay, time out! Just time out!"

Truth be told, these were not old hags at all. They were just Manny, Killer Croc, Jack Spicer, Chowder and Gir dressed up in rags to look like old women. As one could see, they were not doing a good job at it.

"What's wrong, Manny?" Killer Croc asked, adjusting his scarf and hunching over to make himself look older and more decrepit.

Manny looked down at his black attire in disapproval. "I should have never worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse." In response, Killer Croc looked at him with a fixed look of disgust before punching him upside the head.

Gir was wearing a bright blonde wig that was done up into plaits. As he brushed it carefully, he said to his comrades, "You know guys, I've never felt SO pretty before in my life. How about you?"

The others just stared at him for a moment before Chowder told him flat toned, "Dude…shut up." They all then walked into the grounds, hunching over and distorting their voices to make them sound like old crones.

* * *

At the far end of the festival, the javelin contest was about to begin and hundreds of Latverian citizens were gathering in crowds and on the bleachers surrounding the event. A peanut vendor was shouting as he threw them about randomly, "Peanuts! Get your peanuts here! Peanuts! PEANUTS! WHO WANTS PEEEAAANUUUTS?"

Princess Sari, Sherriff Dib, Coraline, Gaz, Tak and Hovis were situated in the royal stand, watching the contest in style. Sari was wearing a lavender leather suit so tight that it was a wonder it did not cut off her air circulation. Two trumpeters played their instruments loudly to make a fanfare. However, they blew too loudly on both sides of Sari's ears, making her cringe in pain.

"Coraline, take note: these guys' balls are to be chopped off." Sari muttered to Coraline bitterly, still covering her ears.

"I'll have it done before three o'clock, your highness." Coraline jotted her Princess' orders down onto a notepad.

Coming up onto the royal stand, a large anthromorphic Woolley mammoth dressed in blue suspenders and hat named Gazpacho cleared his throat. He then shouted very loudly, "The Royal Javelin Contest is about to begin! Archers, take your places!"

As the audience applauded, the contest all stood in line on the grounds, all of them holding their javelins in their right hands. Amongst them was Butters who, as the people were told, was allowed to participate as a representative of South Park. Sari turned to Dib and asked slyly, "Are we...prepared?"

"Indeed. Check this out, your highness." said Dib as leaned back in his chair and pointed up at the nearby tower of the Doomstadt castle, giving a signal at the same time. Sari looked up in the direction and grinned evilly.

* * *

Kenny was currently inside the tower, standing by the window. After receiving the signal, he nodded and backed away from the window. He went over and knelt down in front of an open wooden box with the large rifle from the night before inside it. Taking it out, Kenny cocked it and went over to the window to give the signal back to Dib.

* * *

The Princess rubbed her hands together, giggling maliciously, "Hehehehehe. Oh, this is perfect."

Back on the grounds, the contestants were stretching and flexing as they got ready. One of them next to Butters was a little green man wearing dressed as if her were Mickey Mouse, complete with ears, read suspenders and all.

"Contestants, to the line! Ready, aim...wait for it!" The contestants pulled back their javelins, ready to toss them onto the marked grass in yards. Gazpacho now shouted, "Fire!"

The archers, including Butters and the Mickey Mouse facsimile launched their javelins at the target. Of all the javelins, only two reached fifty yards. The crowd cheered once again.

"Okay, the two contestants that hit fifty yards can stay." Explained Gazpacho to the contestants. "The rest of you gentlemen...can fuck off!"

The losers all left the grounds, muttering bitterly and one of them made a comment about Gazpacho's mother. Only Butters and the Mickey Mouse facsimile were left in the contest. The latter smirked egotistically as he went to pick up his new javelin.

Seeing this, Dib made a realization and whispered to Sari, Coraline and Gaz, "That's him! I recognize that smirk anywhere! That guy there is Zim is disguise!"

Gaz rolled her eyes and stated sarcastically, "Noooo, you really think so?"

"You sure?" Sari asked puzzled as she looked at the contestant from afar. "He looks like Mickey Mouse."

"The guy with the Disney fetish may go first." Gazpacho declared.

"Mickey" pulled his javelin back and aimed carefully. He launched the javelin and sure enough, it hit sixty yards! The crowd burst into applause.

Huffing pompously, Dib stood up and applauded. He spoke, loud enough for everyone to hear him, "Very good work...Zim of Scumlington!"

The crowd, including Tak and Hovis gasped in surprise, the latter spiting out his tea in his shock.

"Well, no need to keep this disguise on any longer." Said "Mickey Mouse" or rather, Zim and he removed his disguise, bowing to the crowd. Whilst the audience clapped and "woofed" for him, Tak's green skin was turning red in anger. She had specifically told him not to come to the competition for his own safety and what did he do? Tak ordered Hovis to give her a baby just so that she could take her anger out on it by strangling it and…okay, that joke is in bad taste.

Zim's friends were watching this from outside the javelin contest grounds in shock. For Christ's sake, did this guy have a death wish or something?

"Zim off his fucking nut!" exclaimed Jack Spicer in disbelief. "Come on, we've got to stop him!"

The group tried to head into the contest grounds but a group of National Guard officers blocked their way in. "Sorry ladies, but this is the royal entrance. You'll have to go around the other way."

Zim's comrades were not the only ones unhappy. Sari furiously pushed Dib back into his seat as screeched, 'You MORON! Have you any idea what you've done? Now he's even more of a hero to the people!"

"Calm yourself, your highness." Dib reassured her calmly. "Butters still has his shot to beat him."

"In case you forgotten, Zim reached sixty yards...SCHMUCK!" Sari hissed seemly enough to make Dib squirm in his seat.

"Wait and watch, your Excellency."

Butters stood himself in position and held the javelin up. With a heavy grunt, he lunged the javelin forward. To everyone's, including Zim's shock and disbelief, the javelin struck the ground at EIGHTY YARDS!

"Dude, he got eighty yards!" yelled a man as he stood up shocked.

Like the fair-weather fans they were, the crowd now started cheering for Butters. Some of them came over and picked him in celebration. All the while, Zim was absolutely dumbstruck as to what had just happened.

"Things are looking good." Sari grinned to Dib and Coraline.

Gaz looked to Tak and Hovis, stating plainly, "Well, that surely came out of left field."

"I know…wow."

Meanwhile, the crowd became infuriated and began to boo and hissed at Zim. Still outside the grounds, Zim's Merry Men were watching the humiliating sight in horror."Oh, Zim is in trouble! We gotta help him!" yelled Killer Croc as they knocked the guards out of the way and marched onto the grounds.

Back with Zim, the Irken was still baffled while the crowd continued booing him. He said, shocked, "I lost…" He paused then frowned. "Wait a minute, I lost? I'm not supposed to lose!" Meanwhile the crowd became angrier as they starting throwing vegetables at the once great "hero".

"Down with Zim!" yelled someone in the crowd.

By this time, Zim's comrade had arrived at his side. Manny told him quickly, "Zim, come on, we gotta get out of here!"

"Go back to the forest, ya BUMB!" yelled Dr. Venture angrily as he picked up an apple and tossed it at Zim.

Feeling and smelling the oncoming vegetables, Chowder said loudly, "Oh, they opened the salad bar. Good, we all need our veg."

Zim began waving his hands about in the air. "Hey! Hey! HEY! Wait just a minute! This is NOT how it works!" He screamed loud enough to beat down the jeering of the audience. "I'm the hero of this story! Where is the author! I DEMAND to see the AUTHOR!"

Just then, a bright light shone out through the parting clouds, illuminating Zim in particularly and completely silencing everyone else of the grounds. A loud, booming British voice then spoke loudly, altering clearing its throat, "YES? WHAT MAY I DO FOR YOU?"

"Author, I demand to know what is going on!" Zim looked up and told the author crossly, putting his hands on his hips. "I mean, I'm the hero here, I'm not supposed to lose the tournament!"

"HMM, THAT ISSTRANGE, INDEED." replied the confused booming voice of the author. "…WELL, I DO HAVE A PLANNED PLOT FOR THIS STORY SO TELL YOU WHAT…ZIM, YOU GET ONE SHOT TO TRY AND BEST BUTTERS." He then addressed everyone else. "ALL YOU GUYS COOL WITH THAT?"

The rest of the people were far too intimidated to even dare disagree, so they all just nodded and chattered amongst themselves in agreement.

"GOODBYE, NOW." The author bid them farewell as the light disappeared and the clouds retracted once more as if nothing had happened.

"That was weird." commented Coraline in the silence that followed.

So again, due to their fair-weather mentality, the audience returned their applause to Zim. This time, they gave him "the chop" by swinging their arms up and down in a chopping motion and rhythmically chanting. Zim, with his pride now restored, picked up a new javelin and got ready to launch it.

"Dib, get your guy to kill him before he throws!" Sari grunted to Dib out the corner of her mouth.

Dib looked up to the tower and gave the signal to Kenny to shoot. After getting the signal, Kenny held up the rifle and took aim at the Irken. Wasting no time, Kenny pulled the trigger and fired.

But before the bullet could blast its way through Zim's skull, the unthinkable happened. Chowder suddenly reached his hand out and captured the bullet inches from Zim's face between his index finger and his thumb! Judging by everyone else's faces, no one had definitely seen that one coming.

"How did you do that?" Gir gasped bewildered.

Chowder grinned, putting one hand on his hip. "Well, it's quite simple. Due to my sight not working, my other working senses are sharper and refined. I could hear that from a mile away."

The Irken held up the javelin, saying to Chowder, "Well done, Chowder."

"Huh? Who said that?" asked Chowder confused as he looked around, putting a hand to his ear. "Hellooo?"

Zim placed his feet firmly on the ground and pulled the javelin back, now ready to fire. Of course, Butters, who was behind the heroes, took a stick and jabbed Zim's foot with it. This caused Zim to yelp and threw the javelin up into the sky, though not directly towards the field. Killer Croc angrily socked Butters down into the ground with his strong fist, making the little Nazi disappear beneath the earth.

As the javelin shot higher into the sky, it seemed as if Zim had lost. However, the very sharply tipped javelin began to flatten out and took direction. It did not land on the marked grounds, but instead it flew straight out the festival, straight out of Doomstadt, out of Latveria, and all the way to…

* * *

_The White House, __Washington D.C., __United States of America_

"Mr. President, we're making good progress. Our troops are re-gathering in Orlando and according to the General, a great push in a few days will blast the Latverian army out of the city."

"Very good, Joe. It looks like things are really looking u-"

CRASH! SCHA-LUCK!

* * *

Back in Latveria, the crowd saw the javelin fly over the marked grounds and leaving a twinkle in the distance. Tak, whose hatred of Zim was still as high as ever, could not deny that that was an impressive feat as she spoke with Gaz.

Of course, not everyone was happy. Sari was furious. Dib stood up and pointed at Zim, who was bowing to the crowd, shouting, "Seize him!"

A swarm of Doombots surrounded Zim, grabbed by the shoulders and pulled him away from his friends who they shoved back. "Zim of Scumlington is a terrorist and traitor to the crown!" Dib barked as he descended from the royal stand. "It'll be fun to finally see you hang!"

As Zim was about to be led away to be hung, Tak stood up and yelled, "Wait just a minute!"

Dib and the Doombots with Zim in their grips stopped and turned to Tak. "What for?" The Sherriff asked her sceptically.

"Look, you idiot, I need Zim alive." Tak told him indignantly. "If you promise not to hang him, I will do the most disgusting thing I can think of."

"Oh, and what's that?"

"I will marry you."

Everyone in the audience gasped either in shock or just straight-up disgust. Some of them, namely Gaz even drunk tea just to spit it out to affirm their shock. Dib leaned against the stand and looked up Tak lecherously, "So you'll be mine then? You'll give yourself to me every night? And even after lunch?"

"Yes, but I'll still hate you with every fibre of my being."

Dib paused to think, then shrugged, "Oh, okay then. I can respect that."

Zim shouted up to Tak in a plea, "Tak! Please don't do this! I know you need me alive and I admire your patriotism, but surely you have your limits!"

"I must, Zim." Tak responded boldly, gripping the bars of the royal stand. "For I am not doing this for you. I am doing it for the greater good of Latveria, a country for which I will sacrifice my life for."

"Ha! So you can suck it, Zim! Hahahahahaha! Suck it!" Dib cackled manically as he and his Doombots led the protesting Zim off.

Having watched the events unfurl, Sari stood up and addressed her people, "Alright, everybody! Send word to one and all and all and one...that seems kind of redundant, doesn't it?"

"What?" Gazpacho asked, looking over at her in confusion.

"Shut up!" Sari snapped back angrily and looked back at the peasents. "Tell everybody that before the day is out, we'll have a wedding...or a hanging. Either way, it's gonna be a big party!"

As the easily-led crowd cheered and clapped for their Princess, the Merry Men had secretly fled to the entrance of the grounds.

Manny was practically tearing his hear out. "This sucks BALLS! We're grossly outnumbered!"

"What must we do?" asked Killer Croc.

"We'll have to rally our men from the towns and villages." Manny suggested to them. "It seems like the wise choice."

Jack Spicer looked at him incredulously and yelled, "Are you retarded? I mean, yeah, they've gotten better, but they're not ready to battle yet!"

"But we don't got much choice." Gir replied, trying to reason with Jack. "What else can we do?"

Looking at Chowder, Manny asked the blind servant, "Chowder, what's the fastest way to contact the villagers and townies?"

"Simple, my friends…" Chowder smirked mischievously and whipped out a BlackBerry. "We text 'em!"

"Text 'em!"

"Text 'em!"

"Text 'em!"

"Hooray! Text!"

The other grinned and pulled out their own phones and text machine such as BlackBerries and iPhones. As they disguised themselves once more as old crones and walked off, the group of Merry Men used their devices to text a message of help to their fellow terrorists.

* * *

**(A/N) The next chapter will be coming soon. Read and review.**


	11. Chapter X

**(A/N) Here's the next chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter X**

Zim stood solemnly on the gallows, positioned right outside the Doomstadt castle exactly where the wedding ceremony was about to take place. He was bound in thick heavy rusted shackles to keep him from escaping and he had already been savagely beaten in his holding cell. Dib had Zim here at the wedding as leverage. If Tak did not say "I do" then Zim was to hand.

Meanwhile, the hangman was preparing Zim for his pending execution. He was a skeleton wearing a black robe and holding a scythe. This was actually the Grim Reaper himself.

"So what are ya, mon? A 16, 16 and 1/2?" Grim asked in a joking manner and demonstrated by placing the noose over his skull. He laughed and took the noose and rope and placed it over Zim's neck. The Irken chocked a bit as Grim tightened it.

"It's a bit tight."

Grim cackled in response, "That's the idea! Hahahahahaha!"

Soon the organ music for the wedding began to play. The guests, which included aristocrats, businessmen, diplomats and a trapped Zim turned to see the castle gates open. The Abbot, Father Maxi carried his sceptre and walked down the red carpet aisle that was surrounded by Doombots. Following behind the Abbot was Dib, Coraline and National Guard officers.

"Good morning, Abbott." said one wedding guest, the ambassador from Estonia in respect.

"Good morning." Replied Father Maxi with a smile.

"Welcome, Abbot." greeted another guest, Lord Voigt of Scarsdale.

"Morrow."

"Hey Abbot!" yelled wedding guest Homer Simpson rudely in a Lou Costello voice.

Father Maxi cringed at the voice. As he walked on, he said to himself angrily, "I HATE that guy." Shortly, Maxi arrived at the altar where he stood facing the direction from whence he came. Dib and his men stood at the side in his groom position, which was actually right next to the gallows where Zim was kept.

Tak soon appeared at the beginning of the aisle and wearing a black dress as if she were at a funeral instead of her own wedding. Of course, she looked absolutely miserable. Hovis is there, escorting Tak down the aisle to give her away as her father would while Princes Sari, Gaz and Coraline followed behind, all dressed in their finest.

"Present arms!" yelled one Doombot. The robots raised their arms and fires into the air as the traditional wedding march music played out. As they were halfway down the aisle, Sari whispered something to Coraline, who stopped briefly to pull out a remote and clicked it at the gates behind them. A beeping noise and the gates slowly closed.

Meanwhile, on the left to the altar was a big blue helicopter with the Duff logo on the side. Standing in the open door of the chopper was a large muscular man. He was dressed in a blue suit, red cape, sunglasses and a red cap. This was the Duff company mascot, Duffman.

"Hell-ooooo, people of Doomstadt!" Duffman spoke loudly with emphasis on all his words through a microphone. "This wedding is brought to you by Duff! Oh-yeeeaaah!"

Soon they reached the altar. Hovis let Tak and stood to the side with Sari, Coraline, Gaz and the officers. Dib then came to Tak's side and took the bride's arm. As the wedding march music ended, Tak was shocked to see Zim on the gallows with a noose around his neck.

"What is this? What's going on?" demanded Tak.

Dib took her hands and remarked, "Leverage, my dear. Just in case you changed your mind."

Father Maxi cleared his and took out a large Bible. "I will now conduct the opening prayer in the new Latin." Opening the Bible, he then read from it aloud, "'Oh, ordil-ay...iveusag-ay oury-ay essingsbl-ay. Amen-ay'."

Everyone else looked confused but chimed after him, "Amen-ay."

"We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Dib Marion Membrane, the Sheriff of..."

Suddenly he stopped upon fully taken notice of Dib's middle name. The crowd, upon hearing it, started snickering too loud. Dib was now looking both embarrassed and angry.

"Marion?" asked Father Maxi in amusement. "Your middle name is Marion?"

The crowd's snickering continued to grow. Sari, Coraline and Gaz tried to keep straight faces but ultimately failed.

"Shut up! Shut up!" Dib yelled furiously. "Will you please just continue with the service?"

"Of course." nodded Father Maxi, who looked down at the book. He looks up quickly and added with a grin, "Marion."

That did it. Everyone could not withhold themselves any longer and just burst out in laughter.

Father Maxi managed to calm down as the crowd went silent. "Do you...Sheriff Dib Membrane of Doomstadt, take Lady Take of Dickthorpe to be your lawful wedded wife? To love and to hold in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"Of course I do! Get on with it!" snapped Dib irate.

Father Maxi shrugged and now spoke to Tak, "And do you, Tak, vow to do all the stuff I just said to him?"

Taking a gulp, the melancholy Tak looked over to Zim still chained up with a noose around his neck and then at the lecherous Dib. Oh, well, this is life.

"I...I...I doooo..."

At that moment, Tak spotted a familiar figure running onto the scene. A Mexican lad took out a crossbow, aimed and fired. It hits Zim's rope cutting it instantly and allowing Zim to land on the floor of the gallows safely.

"...not!"

Que to everyone to gasp melodramatically. Dib turned and to see Killer Croc jumping up onto the gallows, knocking away the officers and tearing off Zim's chains.

"Boo-ya!" Manny high-fived the remaining Merry Men; Chowder, Gir and Jack Spicer whom Dib had now just noticed for the first time at the procession.

Foaming at the mouth, Dib screamed as loud as he could, "Arrest them, seize them, stop them!"

"Hurt them, hurt them!" yelled Sari, chopping off the chair and hiding behind the backrest.

Just as the National Guard and Doombots were about to take action, one of the wedding guests, Sideshow Mel looked at the gates to something that shook him with fear. He stood up and yelled theatrically, "Look! The villagers! They are attacking by the masses!"

The crowd screamed as they saw it to be true. Thousands of villagers, sick and tired of the oppression they had suffered at the hands of Princess Sari, charged onto the castle grounds. All the villagers that had been enlisted into the Merry Men were leading them on horseback.

"Their time has come!" Sideshow Mel continued as he and the other upper class guests fled the wedding. "The proletariat have arrived to overthrow the bourgeoisie!"

Now freed from his chains, Zim removed the noose from his neck and handed it back to Grim. "Here. This is yours, I believe."

"Well, as they say, mon, 'no _noose_ is good _noose_!" joked Grim, who now set up a collapsible chair to sit down on and watch the carnage.

And so the Battle of Doomstadt Castle had begun between the National Guard and the Merry Men. The former were supported by the Doombots and the second by the thousands of Latverian villagers. The good guys were currently winning as they had taken the enemy by surprise, had planned their attack in advance and grossly outnumbered them. It was a battle so great, so romantic, so bloodily violent that it would be a crime to ask a really tried author to write it out in detail.

Manny and the rest of Zim's top men rejoined their leader and Killer Croc on the gallows. "Nice shooting, Manny." Zim gave him a high-five.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I was aiming for the hangman."

Jack Spicer looked down at pointed, shouting, "Uh, guys! Company!"

Sure enough, a few National Guard officers appeared at the bottom of the stairs to the gallows, spears at the ready.

"When I say jump..." Zim instructed and the others knelt down. "Wait for it..."

"Charge!" yelled the officers as they did thus.

"Jump!"

The Merry Men jumped into the air and grabbed the gallows bar. And just in time as the enemies ran under them and fell straight off the gallows. The heroes dropped back to the floor and looked behind. They laughed at the sight of the officers kicking their legs up into the air as they still held onto their impaled swords.

"Woo hoo!" cheered the Merry Men, jumping up to give each other high fives. Well, Chowder tried to do so but he missed and fell crashing onto the floor.

"…I'm okay."

Back with Princess Sari, the whiny little bitch was still hiding behind her chair. Dodging the flying decapitated head of an officer, Sari got on all fours and made an attempt to crawl away. That was until she found herself directly facing the firing end of a revolver.

Coraline glowered down at the princess and pulled back the hammer of the gun. "I wouldn't try anything smart if I were you, your highness!"

"W-w-what are you doing, you schmuck!" Sari was shocked, needless to say. "Is this some kind of joke? Because if is, I ain't laughing!"

Furiously, Coraline pulled Sari up by her hair and smashed the butt of the gun across the Princess' face. "Shut up! Just shut the FUCK UP, you little BITCH!" She screamed in Sari's face, scaring the shit out of her.

Hovis came up from behind, aiming his own rifle at the back of Sari's head. "It is what you call having a "mole" in the enemy camps, your majesty. We picked young Coraline up a week ago." He jabbed the end of the rifle at Sari's head. "You know the routine. On the ground, hands behind your head."

Meanwhile, the Sheriff had taken all he could stands and he couldn't stands no more. Everything he had planned was falling apart in an orgy, not of sex but of violence. He saw Tak trying to sneak off and grabbed her. "Oh no, you don't! I am going to screw a hot alien chick, married or no!"

"Hey, let me go, you sex-crazed maniac!" yelled Tak as Dib rolled her up in a rug and tossed her over his shoulder. He made his escape through a door passed the opening gates as more officers and Doombots came out.

As Zim and his Merry Men shouted instructions to their men from the gallows, they did not notice Gaz climbing up. She spoke to them casually, catching their attention, "Yo, Zim."

"Huh?" Zim turned his head to look at her.

"Just in case you haven't noticed, my brother just kidnapped your chick." Gaz explained nonchalantly and pointed up at the castle towers. Zim looked and saw Dib running up a spiral staircase to a tower with a trapped Tak in tow.

"He's going to deflower her in the tower." said Killer Croc as he cringed.

Gir's eyes glowed red and he bleated loudly, "Bad touch! Bad touch!"

Now this was the point where Zim had had enough. First, he lost his family's land and honour. Next, on his vacation he was made an outlaw by the country for which he had sacrificed flesh and blood in its crusade against America. He had to become a terrorist and waste his vacation trying to overthrow the provisional government, whilst having to sleep in the cold filthy forest for months on end. Now…his love interest was about to lose her virginity to his archenemy…BEFORE MARRIAGE, no less! A complete insult to the Christian values of his beloved nation! It was salt rubbed into wounds! So now, Zim just lost it.

Eyes twitching, Zim took a deep breath and let out a bloodcurdling scream. **"TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **He rushed forward, but his friends tried to hold him back as to calm him down. Zim's mechanical spider-legs shoved them off and he ran, screaming hysterically towards the nearby Duff helicopter. On his way, he picked up a gun that had been dropped onto the ground. **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

When Zim reached the Duff helicopter, Duffman looked down at him with his trademark grin, completely unfazed by what was happening around him. He shouted into his microphone, "Well hell-ooooo, Invader Zim of Scum-lington! What a surprise visit! What brings YOU here to the Duff Helico-"

Blam! Zim shot Duffman right in the face, killing him immediately. Screaming incoherently and wiping the splattered blood off his face, Zim pulled the body out of the helicopter and jumped it. He strapped himself in and immediately took off, having been taught to fly a helicopter in his military training. As Zim did all this, he continued to scream hysterically, **"NO! N-N-NOOO! TAAAAAAAK! I'M COMING! I'M COMING! **

The helicopter took off and flew towards the tower. Zim was going to make sure Dib paid in his own blood.

**"TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!"**

* * *

**(A/N) Okay, so we're nearly done. Next chapter is the final showdown. Also, if you know which show and its episode the ending of this chapter was based off of, you have my undying respect. Read and review.**


	12. Chapter XI

**(A/N) Okay, second to last chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter XI**

Inside the tower, Dib had taken Tak up to a luxury guest room complete with a king-sized bed. The door was locked and the sheriff was currently inside the dressing room. Tak herself was tied onto the bed by metal chains.

Within a moment, Dib remerged from the dressing room. Tak's jaw dropped. He was wearing a purple dress. One of her purple dresses!

"What the FUCK?"

"Consider this role-play!" The sheriff charged forward and jumped onto the bed over Tak. "And you may consider THIS foreplay!"

Tak could not begin to describe her horror…and confusion to boot. "Oh…you are a sick, sick…SICKO PERSON!"

The sheriff removed the bottom of her wedding gown, ready for action when he gasped in horror. It was the one thing any man dreaded in a relationship and no, I'm not talking about the in-laws.

"A chastity belt?" Dib cringed at the thought, covering his crotch. "Ooooh…that's going to chafe my willie!" Getting off of Tak, he told her, "Hold on. I'll be right back."

Outside the castle, the remaining Merry Men were still standing on the gallows, looking up at the tower in concern.

"Here's hoping she's still wearing her iron underwear." Jack Spicer said to Killer Croc who shrugged nonchalantly.

Inside the tower, Tak was shaking like mad. Dib was using a jackhammer on the chastity belt in hopes to undo the lock.

"Do you what will! I will never SUBM-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IT!"

**"!"**

**CRAAAAASH!**

The Duff helicopter crashed square into the side of the tower, sending debris and dust flying throughout the room. Dib and his jackhammer were sent flying into the wall and Tak closed her eyes to keep out the dust.

Kicking the door of the chopper open, Zim undid his belt and jumped out into the room, screaming bloodcurdlingly again, **"TAAAAAAAAAAK! I'M COOOMIIING! I'M COOOMIIING! TAAAAAAAAK!"**

"Oh, dude, we're standing right here! Don't yell!" Someone stood up and walked indecisively through the dust. Zim saw that this person was wearing a purple dress similar to Tak's. "I mean, seriously, how do you keep doing that without getting laryngitis?"

Zim wiped some dust from his eyes and asked hopefully, "Tak? Is that you? Are you alri-"

The Sheriff stepped into Zim's plain view and brushed the dust off the purple dress. "Aww, Christ, all over the dress. These things aren't cheap, ya know?"

Eyes widening in realization and horror, Zim took a few steps back. "N-NO! NOO!" He pointed at the dress and barked through his clenched jaw, "Take. That. Dress. Off!

"What's the matter, big boy?" Dib grinned maliciously with arms opened wide. "Isn't this what you always wanted?

"What are you _talking about?"_

Dib began to advance upon him slowly, thrusting his pelvis forward and forcing Zim to back away in fear. "Wouldn't it just fix everything twisted up inside of you if you can only FUCK Tak and your worst enemy at the same time, huh? Well come and get us!" He made a number of lewd gestures at Zim, who was clearly very upset at this point. "Where do ya want it, Zim, eh? Eh?"

"You sick bas…get away! Get away from me!"

Tak was watching the whole scene from the bed. The chains that kept her trapped on the bed had been broken by the flying debris. She then said to herself loudly, "Boy, this is one FUCKED up day I'm having!"

By now, Zim had backed up to the doorframe of the helicopter. "G-get away, yo-you dirty talking…dirty fingered thug!" He tripped and fell onto the pilot's seat of the cockpit. "Stop it right now or I'll-"

"You'll what? Ha! Face it, Zim. This time, I win!" Just then, Dib whipped out a dagger from the dress and lunged at Zim, who caught his arms just in time. The dagger caught on the locket hanging on the necklace around Zim's neck.

Zim looked at it in surprise. "Wow, it's the locket Chowder gave me which my father wanted me to have." He then said to Dib nonchalantly, "Amazing. With all the crap that's been going on, I forgot all about it."

"Yeah, yeah, big tragedy. Now you die!" In annoyance, Dib shook his dagger free resulting in the locket to break off of Zim's necklace. They and Tak looked at the locket puzzled as it flew into the air. It hit the ceiling and shattered, revealing a small key with a heart-shaped handle. As Zim and Dib watched, the small key came flying down and it landed in a surprising place: the lock on Tak's chastity belt!

Zim's eyes widened as he realized what the key was meant for now. "Of course! That's why it's the key to the greatest treasure in all the land!"

The female Irken was less than enthusiastic however. "So let me get this straight…Zim is supposedly my "one true love" because it's "just the right size"?" She looked at you, yes you, the reader and said dryly, "This is what we call "innuendo", boys and girls."

"Oh puh-lease!" Dib screamed frustrated to his breaking point. "It's not the size that counts, it's HOW you USE it! Aaagghh!" Screaming, Dib spun around back to Zim, wielding the dagger over his head when…

_Bang._

Dropping the dagger, Dib stumbled backward and clutched his lower side. He was panting and sweating tremendously. After removing his side, he looked down to see that an oozing red gash in his left-side ribs.

Zim raised his gun and flew off the smoke of the firing end. "You FOOL, Dib. I, ZIM, of all people would remember to bring a gun with me!"

Dib's face had gone totally pale. He backed away, holding his wound again and gasping in pain. "This…is bad."

_Bang!_

The second bullet buried itself in Dib's chest, near his heart. He fell to his knees, not clutching his chest. "This…is worse!"

"Oh, for the love of…" Zim rolled his eyes and pulled back the hammer of the gun for the third time.

_BANG!_

Now the third shot struck Dib right in the skull, splattering blood all over the floor. Without even a whimper or grunt, Dib's eyes rolled up inside his head and the sheriff collapsed dead on the stone floor.

There was a moment of silence, that was until Take spoke up, stating plainly, "Well, gee, that's dark…"

At that moment, the alchemist Creepella Creecher entered the room through the second door next to the bed. "Hey, sorry, you guys. It's just that I left my tweezers in here and-" The bug girl stopped and screamed at the sight of Dib laying dead on the floor, his blood decorating the stone tiles. "EEEIIIEEEKKK! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Uh-oh." chirped Zim.

Creepie ran to the dead sheriff's side and knelt down next to him. She glared up at Zim and screamed, "What have you done? You've murdered him!"

Zim put his hands up and reasoned, "Hey, whoa, whoa, hey! HE attacked ME. If anything, what I did was self-defence."

"Shut up!" She spat viciously at Zim before returning to her dead love interest. "Oh, my poor Sheriff Membrane!" Creepie bawled hysterically over Dib's dead form. "I can't live in this world without you!"

"Then you might need this." suggested Zim, who handed the gun in his hand to Creepie.

The little alchemist took the gun, looked at it for a moment before concluding tearfully, "I can't go on without my sheriff." She cocked the gun and glared daggers at Zim. "I'll see you in hell, you little green bastard!" Creepie put the gun to the roof of her mouth, screaming one last time, "KALI MAAAAAAA!"

_Bang! _

Creepie's forehead exploded in with blood and bits of her brain. Eyes rolling up, Creepella Creecher's dead body collapsed belly-first over Dib's.

A long awkward moment of silence. Tak soon just threw her arms into the air and shouted, "Okay, seriously, this is just depressing!"

Zim pushed his antennas and approached Tak's bed seductively. "I dunno. I find all this blood and violence to be quite a turn on."

"I must admit…" Tak sighed tiredly, resting down onto the bed. "After all this, even I'm gonna need more than a pack of cigarettes to unwind."

The Irken got onto the bed next to her. "So what do you say you and I REALLY piss Dib's soul off, if you know what I mean?" He reached over and put his hand on the key still in the lock.

"Ugh…well, my wedding was crashed, my fiancé was murdered and I nearly lost my virginity before marriage. All that I did to keep you alive and what do you know, you actually ARE still alive…oh, alright then"

"Hooray!"

"Not hooray!" The two nearly jumped and turned. They saw Hovis coming into the room the same way Creepie did. He was about to continue when he saw the dead bodies of Dib and Creepie. "Oh dear…what happened here?"

Zim shrugged nonchalantly, "Ah, fight scene and suicide."

"I see…" Hovis nodded before turning back to the two seriously. "Now just hold on. Don't think I don't know what you two are doing." He came over to the bed with crossed arms. "You're not married."

Zim slapped his forehead as he realised his near grave error. "Of course! In my rage, I nearly destroyed the religious values I fought Dib for trying to break!"

"Indeed. Before you do it, you must go through it!" explained Hovis as he nodded.

Looking back at Tak, Zim said to her in a matter of reasoning, "Look, Tak, I'm no dentist and I'm not all that rich, but after all this, I'll be hailed as a hero. I'll a celebrity with endorsements and might even be made one of King Doom's top bananas."

"That is true." Tak shrugged.

"Besides, in any case…you could do worse." Zim grinned, nudging her gently. "So what do you say? Will you marry me?"

Clicking her tongue a couple of times, Tak shrugged and answered, "Well, you make a good case, Zim. Let's do it."

And luckily, there was someone they could go see to get a wedding cheap. Quick and easy.

* * *

**(A/N) Okay, nearly finished.**


	13. Epilogue

**(A/N) Okay, here is the last chapter. Do enjoy.**

* * *

**Epilogue**

The Battle of Doomstadt was over and it was an outlandish victory for the Merry Men and the villagers. All Doombots had been disassembled; all National Guard officers rounded up and arrested and best of all, Princess Sari was now in their custody. But enough of that horseshit for we have a wedding coming up so let's clear up the blood and death with love and unicorn flatulence!

A tent was set up outside on the castle grounds next to the altar. Rabbi Krustofski himself was in there making circumcisions for half price…HA! Zim and Tak, both dressed appropriately for a wedding, arrived at the altar and faced the tent. They were followed by just about everyone else, including the Merry Men, the villagers and even the captured Princess Sari.

"Krustofski !" Zim called to rabbi inside the tent.

Rabbi Krustofski poked his head out through the tent entrance and asked, "Who is it?"

"It is I, Zim. Lady Tak and I wish to get married in a hurry."

Rabbi Krustofski beamed upon hearing this. "Married in a hurry? That's great!" He looked briefly back into the tent and told them hurriedly, "Hold on. I'm on my last customer. I'll be right out." He went back inside the tent. A chopping sound war heard, followed by an agonizing scream inside the tent. Krustofski soon came out as he said to the customer still inside, "Put a little ice on it. It'll be fine."

"Ay ay ay!"

Krustofski walked up to the altar in front of Tak and Zim. "Jeez, married in a hurry, married in a hurry. Do invite me to the bris." He cleared his throat and brushed himself down. "So are we ready?" Zim and Tak took their hands and nodded. "Zim, do you?"

"I do." Zim said smiling to his love interest.

"Tak, do you?"

Tak took a deep reluctant breath. "Ugh…I do."

The rabbi now raised his arms and pronounced dramatically, "Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and..."

"I object!"

Krustofski looked around and snapped exasperatedly, "Who asked?"

Putting his hand over his eyes to improve his sight, Jack Spicer identified the man who interrupted Krustofski. "Hey, look, it's Colonel Squidward Tentacles, back from the war."

Colonel Squidward Tentacles was a tall greyish blue anthromorphic octopus dressed in dark green Latverian military attire. He arrived onto the scene via a black Rolls-Royce that driven by his chauffer. When the car pulled up, the chauffer got out and opened the Colonel's door.

"Afternoon, subjects." Colonel Squidward told them flatly as he stepped out of the Rolls-Royce, holding an open brown envelope in his gauntleted hands. "Sorry to interrupt the wedding, rabbi, but I have extremely urgent news that must be heard."

"Very well." Rabbi Krustofski shrugged, stepping aside to let the Colonel address the crowd.

Clearing his throat, Colonel Squidward took the letter out from the envelope and read it out loud to the surprised crowd. "Royal subjects of the kingdom of Latveria, I come here bearing grave news. At 0900 hours this morning, our "beloved ruler"…King Victor von Doom…was killed when his car was struck by an incoming missile."

The entire crowd's jaws dropped and listened in silent horror. Their beloved tyrant…was dead?

Colonel Squidward continued reading aloud the message, looking completely unfazed by this earth-shattering news. "Also, at 1200 hours, the Supreme Commander of the Latverian Armed Forces, Field Marshal Benedict Uno sat down and signed an armistice with the leaders of the US Armed Forces. To it bluntly…" He tossed the letter and envelope aside. "We just lost the war."

After a minute-long silence, Chowder was the first to speak up, saying plainly, "Well THAT sucks!"

"Noooo!" Zim cried horrifically, the Latverian General falling to his knees and shooting his fists up into the air. "How can this be? It was all going perfect! How? HOW? HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?"

Colonel Squidward rolled his eyes and snapped at him in annoyance, "Oh, come on, Zim, look at it realistically for once! I mean, did you, or hell, any of you honestly believe that we had any chance at winning a war with the United States of America? I mean, we're no bigger than the Netherlands, for Pete's sake! Like, what are you people? Retarded?"

The crowd all muttered quietly amongst themselves. Killer Croc spoke aloud, scratching his head, "Yeah…sounds kinda stupid when you really think about it."

Princess Sari just realized something as she grinned maliciously and hissed at Hovis and Coraline, whom were both holding her in place, "Ha! This means that I'm now the Queen! So you guys better let go of me or else I'm gonna throw you all in the dung-"

"Oh, no you don't!" Spongebob Squarepants yelled at he walked out from the crowd and into everyone's view. Everyone looked surprised by the sponge's outburst and actually now listened to what he had to say. "Now I don't know about the rest of you…but I think it's time we stopped and asked ourselves, "Why do we need a monarchy anymore anyway?"!" Everyone gasped at this in shock, but Spongebob continued regardless. "We are in the 21st century, everybody! Monarchies were all fine and good in the olden times, but this is another day! It's time to move forward and adopt democracy for Latveria, like many other countries in Europe. This whole ridiculous unwinnable war was just a perfect example of how concentrating power to only one man or woman can have dangerous consequences for a country!"

Now everyone was listen to Spongebob's words with awe and respect. That was except for Zim of course, who just glared darkly and began loading his gun.

"Oh…WEAK!" Sari scoffed, only to received a well-deserved punch in the gut from Coraline, causing her to topple over in pain. "Aaagghh!"

Spongebob was now reaching the climax of his amazing speech. "So let's not be subjects, but citizens with our own human rights! After all, we grew up in this country with our socks full of prunes and our hearts full of dreams! We worked the land until it brought forth its bounty of pine nuts and wonderful onions. And still to this day we cry out as one people…" He began thrusting his chest forward as he emphasised each following word. "Liberty…equality…fratern-"

**Bang! **

The sponge fell down dead with a bullet in the back of his head. Zim came up and set one foot on Spongebob's corpse, blowing the smoke off the firing end of his gun. "Hey, everybody…" He addressed the people, crossing his arms. "You know what sounds like a grand idea?"

"What's that?" the crowd asked in unison.

"All that stuff that I, ZIM, just said!" The Irken boasted egotistically, taking all credit for the dead Spongebob's incredible speech. And being the total bunch of idiots they were, the crowd of Latverians cheered uproariously for him.

Manny leaned over to Jack Spicer and whispered to him, "Okay, seriously, is it me, or is this the most easily lead crowd in the world?"

"Ah, dude, give the people what they want, that's all I can say." was Jack Spicer's nonchalant response as he looked over at Zim and called him, "Hey, yo, Zimmy boy. Are we doing this wedding or what?" Zim realized this and quickly ran back to the altar, taking Tak's hands once more and nodding to the rabbi to proceed. "Okay, where did we leave off? Oh, that's right. We're up to the best part." He looked at Tak and asked, "Do you, Tak?"

"I do."

"Do you, Zim?"

"I do."

"I now pronounce you man and..." Krustofski paused for dramatic affect and then finished, "Wife."

The crowd cheered madly. Zim and Tak, finally, leaned forward and kissed each other. These two were at last married.

When he was done kissing his new wife, Zim turned to the crowd and spoke to them. "Now first order of business, since we've agreed to abolish the monarchy, I, ZIM, herby declare my candidacy to run for President!"

"Yay." The villagers responded in deadpan voices.

Tak put her hands on her hips and thought to herself impressed, 'Wow, wife to the possible future president. Maybe I didn't get dealt a bad hand, after all.' But she next said to Zim sternly, "Well, we also need a new Sheriff of Doomstadt since you just killed the last one."

Colonel Squidward looked around, spotted Manny and pointed at him. "Well, what about that guy?"

"My friend Manny Rivera?" Zim thought about this for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, he sounds like a good candidate."

"Oh, Awe-some!" Manny yelled as he got up onto the altar and received a sword Squidward took out from his scabbard.

The crowd, most of them, looked confused as they all questioned at once, "A Mexican Sheriff?"

"Wait…he's Mexican?" asked Chowder to the other Merry Men alarmed.

"And why not?" Manny said defensively. He smirked and added, "If the loser writing this decides he wants to get back in the fanmake game and write a _Blazing Saddles_ fanmake…then hey, it'll definitely work there. So why not here?" The people realized this and nodded, chattering in agreement. "That's right."

Gir however, looked utterly confused and turned to Chowder, Jack and Killer Croc, asking them, "Wait…fanmake…Blazing Saddles? I don't get it…"

"Well, with all that sorted…" Hovis picked up a handheld stereo and pressed the 'play' button. "Let's dance!"

And so everyone, including the villagers sporadically started dancing in celebration of Zim and Tak's wedding. And what better song to dance to other than start dancing to Lloyd Williams' _Shout_…ugh.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the forest, Wybie and his…sexually confused chorus closed this story with another rap and dance.

"_**So that's the story**_

_**And it worked out good**_

_**A republic's been established**_

_** And Zim's back in the 'hood!**_

_**So let's bid our friends a fine adieu**_

_**And hope we meet again…" **_Wybie struggled to find another rhyme. **"…**_**if the writer decides to do another fanmake,**_

_**I said Hey!"**_

"_**Hey!" **_sung the group.

"_**I said Hey!" **_chimed Wybie.

"_**Hey!**_

"_**I said Hey!"**_

"_**Hey nonny nonny nonny**_

_**Hey nonny nonny nonny**_

_**Hey nonny nonny nonny**_

_**Here we go!"**_

They all finished the song with a…sexually ambiguous pose. Okay, I'll say it; GAY!

* * *

**The End**

* * *

**The story you have just read is true. The names, places and events have been changed to protect the innoc****ent. Ha, gotcha there! Here is what happened to the people involved…**

ZIM

After the fall of the monarchy and Latveria's defeat, Zim was elected as the first President of the new Democratic Republic of Latveria and was a key writer of its constitution. This was done quickly so that he could attend the New York Peace Conference to settle peace after the armistice. He left the conference as the President of a humiliated and hated nation that was in war debts for four billion US dollars. This did not bother Zim, for after all, he was president for an entire country and a popular one at that. Take THAT Obama! So with peace settled and being the total douche he was, Zim finalized the constitution to suit his own interests and started abusing his powers right away. For you see, as the President, he was head of state, government and army, meanwhile the powers of the elected National Assembly were severely limited. The ball was in HIS court! Under him, the Latverian republic underwent a brutal twelve-year-long regime of totalitarianism, rapid industrialisation and war. In his first year, Zim made every other party except for his Latverian National Party banned, outlawed all non-government media outlets and set up a secret police called the Stassi. He initiated four-year-plans to improve the Latverian economy through mass industrialisation, regardless of the human cost. With foreign relations, Latveria joined the UN and EU, but maintained bad relations with America, thus evidence for Zim's policies of mass rearmament in his sixth year. In his eighth year, President Zim, seeking to reclaim Latveria's honour and get revenge, declared a second Americo-Latverian war, the economy and armaments both being rebuilt for this. Of course, it all resulted in further and even more devastating defeat for Latveria when the Americans soon took the battle to Latverian land. At the bring of defeat, with Doomstadt surrounded, Zim committed suicide with his wife via cyanide pill. His body was rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge into the city river.

TAK

As President Zim's wife, Tak became the Democratic Republic of Latveria's first "First Lady". It was said that as she was more intelligent than her husband, Tak helped influence and structure many of the President's policies. She later became pregnant, but tragedy struck when she suffered a miscarriage, causing her to fall into a deep depression for quite a few years. At the end of the war, with Doomstadt surrounded, Tak joined her husband in suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unlike her husband however, Tak received a proper funeral, being buried next to her parents, the Lord and Lady of Dickthorpe.

MANNY RIVERA

Manny stayed in Latveria for a number of years, serving as the new Sheriff of Doomstadt for four years and Director of the National Guard for another four. Under his authority, the streets of Doomstadt were kept clean of crime and corruption in the National Guard was stamped out. He had very close ties to the President during his service to the republic. Upon finishing his four years as the National Guard Director, Manny retired to Mexico to be with his family, surprisingly one week before President Zim declared war on America. In his memoirs many years later, he wrote in detail about his connections to the President, a source which many historians regard as valuable to this day.

GIR

Gir, after the formation of the republic, went off to see the world. Unfortunately, caught a computer virus in Tijuana and had to be rebooted. During the second Americo-Latverian war, he served as a Colonel and was killed in action at the Battle of Hassenstadt. His remains were recycled into Diet Coke cans.

CHOWDER

Chowder became a renowned statesman for the Latverian republic, his best achievements being Latveria joining the United Nations and the European Union. He became the UN ambassador for four years and then assumed the role of Member of European Parliament upon the current MEPs death. He did this for three years until President Zim ordered Latveria's withdrawal from the EU when he declared the war. During the entirety of the war, Chowder was put back as UN ambassador to protect Latveria's international image. After the war and when the US occupied Latveria was declared the 51st state, the Americans sought to instant no one else but Chowder as its Governor, being dubbed "the only one they could fully trust". He served two years under American occupation and was democratically elected for another two full terms as a Republican with record high approval ratings. In her memoirs, former US President Sarah Palin described him as "the darn nicest and trustworthy Latverian of them all, you betcha." Chowder also went down in history as the first blind UN ambassador, MEP and Governor in history.

KILLER CROC

Killer Croc became a field marshal in the new Latverian republic's army and a member of President Zim's inner-circle throughout the latter's presidency. As head of the Supreme Command of the Latverian Forces and de facto war minister, he became one of Latveria's most powerful military leaders during the war. At the UN courts, he was tried, sentenced to death and hanged as a major war criminal. His remains were stuffed and currently remain in the Wars Museum in Doomstadt.

JACK SPICER

Spicer was instated as the first Director of the Stassi by President Zim and remained so throughout its entire establishment. He was a prominent member of Zim's inner-circle. Under him, the Stassi arrested, tried and executed more then seven hundred civilians, all of whom were accused of treason against the regime. When Latveria lost the war, Jack Spicer was arrested, found guilty of crimes against humanity by the UN courts and thus executed via firing squad. His body was cremated and his ashes were returned to his homeland of Japan where they were scattered over the cliffs of Mount Fuji by his brother.

HOVIS

Hovis remained the butler to Zim and Tak throughout the entirety of the former's presidency. After the republic's fall, he retired back to Britain in Cornwall. He wrote in his memoirs how much he despised them both and how he would yearly dance of Tak's grave since her death. Having outlived his hated employers, Hovis could then honestly say he could die a happy man. He did indeed, not of old age but of alcohol poisoning.

RABBI KRUSTOFSKI

Following the marriage of Zim and Tak, Rabbi Krustofski became famous world-wide. He travelled the world, giving circumcisions to millions of desperate men and making millions out of doing so. He died the richest rabbi in recorded history.

CORALINE JONES

Tired of Latveria, Coraline Jones moved to the United States of America and achieved a full citizenship. She set up her own political satire talk show which became an overnight sensation. At the peak of her popularity, Coraline was appointed top political advisor to the Palin administration, which of course, ended in total disaster. Old, poor and friendless, she went on to marry famous Austrian wrestler "The Governator." They divorced twenty-four hours later.

SARI

After the Battle of Doomstadt castle, Princess Sari was forced to abdicate by the Merry Men and their fellow revolutionaries, completely destroying the monarchy.. During the peace conferences and most of Zim's rule, she was kept under Latverian custody, being locked up in the Hassenstadt castle tower. It was widely rumoured that during her incarceration, Sari went mad and had to be temporarily moved to a mental institution. In the war years, part of the US forces' plans for their unquestionable future victory was to reinstate the monarchy. This would make Sari the Queen as she was the only living member of the Latverian royal family left. Near the end of the war, when the American army was about to take Hassenstadt, President Zim, whom was losing his mind at this point, ordered Sari's immediate execution to prevent the Americans taking her into their custody. Her body was found in the castle tower two hours after the Battle of Hassenstadt was won by the US. Princess Sari was finally laid to rest beside her parents and brother, King Doom in the preserved royal cemetery.

DIB MEMBRANE

Dib's remains were found in the Doomstadt castle's tower with Creepie Creecher's a few hours after Princess Sari's abdication. Both were given a humane funeral side-by-side and posthumously married. Every year during President Zim's regime, he was posthumously declared "Latverian Douchebag Of The Year".

CREEPELLA CREECHER

Like Dib, Creepie's remains were found in the tower and she was given a funeral right next to him along with a posthumous marriage. It was soon discovered after her death that she had hardly produced any real gold in her career as Princess Sari's alchemist. No, ya think? She was posthumously declared "hottest witch of the year" in the same year of her death.

GAZ MEMBRANE

With her minimal role in this story done, Gaz stole everything of value from the Doomstadt castle and then ran off.

* * *

**(A/N) And that's it, the fanmake is done and I have to say, I have enjoyed writing it more than any other. Why? Because I totally tore the original version down and practically made this story my own. This is something I encourage to all fanmake writers. Have freedom when writing a fanmake. Be creative and toss in some of your own ideas. It is much more enjoyable that way.**

**So...as I said at the beginning of this story, this fanmake was to be my LAST fanmake. Now that I've finished it, is that still the case? Well, if I had to give an answer right now, then it would have to be "Yes, kind of." I mean, I really enjoyed this, but I do have to eventually move on. Otherwise, I'll just end up writing hundreds (even having a chart of which to do next) of these to the point where I'll have ZERO social life. I guess I'm trying to ween myself off of fanmakes. I also find writing short one-shots more fun in some regards. All that and since I'm going into Sixth Form for two years, which will be very demanding, I'll have very limited free time on the computer. That is a major reason why all I might be able to write from now on are short stories/one-shots. **

**Well, okay, here is a compromise. From now on, due to Sixth Form, I'll be writing mostly just short stories/one-shots and reading a lot more than writing. I'll only write another fanmake if I have the time and if its a movie I REALLY WANT to do. So don't your hopes TOO high, alright? Okay, that sounds pretty good them.**

**And now, to totally cross the line into douchebag territory, I'm gonna steal a line from the Nostalgia Critic. (Clears throat) I'm Wormtail96, I remember it so YOU don't have to..." (gets up from chair and walks off). **


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